I've had difficulty my entire life with being me. At various points in my life, I learned work-arounds to remedy that difficulty. I learned how to people please, which seemed to make life easier. I discovered that alcohol and drugs worked for a while to cover the crappy way I felt about myself and life. I discovered perfectionism and approval seeking in order to avoid taking an honest look at who I am and what I'm about. All of that stuff would have been great if it had worked in the long term, but it didn't. I came to the place (some call it the 'jumping off place') where I could no longer live with myself at all, and I had a choice - change or die. And really, the change isn't about changing Me - it's about changing and removing the things I've become - the things that cover up the real Me. There is inside some perfect idea of Ken that my Creator imagined, and that is what I am endeavoring to move toward. To do that, I have to believe and accept that a worthwhile Me exists. Many years ago I heard a priest share how in taking a fearless and honest look within in an effort to find himself, he had found himself and he had found God. His message has never left me (and, trust me, over the years a lot of stuff has left me).
So that's what it's about for me - this Divine Human experience - my challenges and experiences on the journey of acceptance of my humanity and my spirituality. It's an exploration, and a lot of it has to do with recovery from addiction and depression, and a lot of it will have to do with learning how to discover and express who I am inside.
Namasté,
Ken
