Did Anyone Ever Tell You:
It's ok to hurt without knowing why?
It's ok to cry in my arms for as long as you need?
It's ok to feel?
It's ok to not know?
It's ok to be a (man, boy, woman, girl)?
It really is ok to feel overwhelmed?
It's ok to curse?
It's ok to feel unsure?
It's ok to play?
It's ok to be angry?
It's ok to be sad?
It's ok to believe?
It's ok to not believe?
It's ok to break something?
It's ok to hurt someone (as long as you make amends)?
It's ok to disagree with me?
It really is ok to cry (for any reason)?
It's ok to say "no"?
It's ok to ...
I want to write "It's ok to fuck up once in a while" but in the interest of propriety I won't.
Just curious...
Namasté,
Ken
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Making a Difference - Part II
As some of you know, I'm struggling right now - struggling with sobriety, and struggling with staying alive. I'm not going to go into the gory details in this post - as I've demonstrated in most posts, I hope, the message is more important. The mechanics of recovery can be picked up in a few simple easy lessons, if we're willing. Much more, to me, is what these are about - what they teach us about resilience, love, and learning, and especially how to let the God in us shine through, even when we think we're buried 10 feet beneath us in the shit.
Because the whole story, in anybody's story, is how to let the God shine through. And some days are more challenging than others!
(By the way, if you are not religiously inclined, and that really is ok, substitute the word God in the paragraphs above with Source, Force, Universe, Jesus. Creative Presence, Zach - because, in the end, the name we attach to that with fills our life with Good is less important than recognizing the force Itself. Yugo. Whatever).
So, I have been going through a tough time. Will I live? Probably, but at this point I have some very valid doubts. I might die. I hurt all over, I'm sick all over, and, at times, I am REALLY FUCKING TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR THIS LONG. The reason I'm not afraid to say this is that I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE. This, though I'd like it to be, is not an uncommon feeling. Many alcoholics/addicts and people in mental health recovery have felt or are feeling this. My deal is that I'm one of the folks willing to talk about it.
Many of us who have grown up in 12-Step recovery programs have been taught that if you gain a certain simple attitude and follow these very simple instructions, you will gain "Sobriety" for the rest or your days of conscious existence. And it's true! Unless, of course, you have co-occurring conditions, or, the white-bread world of the founders of 12-Step programs doesn't apply to you, or you have something else going on besides pure alcoholism/addiction.
Listen (read) closely, because this might save your life or someone else's: There are as many ways to recover from substance use disorder and/or mental health disorders as there are people who have them. I can't, and would not want to, count up the number of needless deaths from people who have been taught and believed otherwise.
It's really possible that I'm trying to save my own life in writing this; perhaps I am, and maybe that's ok. If it's not, God, or the Universe, or Luke and his Force will let me know.
Recovery is individual. It's wonderful - very much so, if you drank for 20 years. stayed sober for 40 years, and died peacefully in your sleep. That isn't everybody's path, and, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.
Recovery looks different for everybody. Even for those in a 12-Step recovery program. It would be really, really cool if this weren't the case, but it just doesn't seem to be so. Seemingly, there are as many recovery programs as there are people needing them. That's a big shocker, aintso? Seems to be the case, though.
Here's why I'm writing this: I am really, really done with running with the idea that people in need of recovery need one program - I've seen that kill people. I really have.
I think it would be really helpful for people in the recovery to start looking at recovery as more than an "all or nothing" type of thing. I think we might find more people experiencing recovery as a result.
And isn't that the goal? Or shouldn't it be? I believe more now than ever in the support aspect of recovery. Getting to know a person, and finding out what they want their recovery to look like. Surprisingly enough, that's SAMSHA's idea as well.
Here's the bottom line: If I die tonight, (or this morning, by now), I die. Will I be considered a loser, because I did not have 35 years of so or recovery? Or will the things that I did while I was striving for recovery count? Let's face it, I'm going to take my consciousness with me, so whether I'm a complete loser or a complete success (or somewhere in between) are pretty much up to me. But shouldn't I (or we) offer others the same opportunity?
The very, very most important thing to do is to hang in there, because in so doing, you (and I) give the next person the opportunity to recover.
Namasté,
Ken
Because the whole story, in anybody's story, is how to let the God shine through. And some days are more challenging than others!
(By the way, if you are not religiously inclined, and that really is ok, substitute the word God in the paragraphs above with Source, Force, Universe, Jesus. Creative Presence, Zach - because, in the end, the name we attach to that with fills our life with Good is less important than recognizing the force Itself. Yugo. Whatever).
So, I have been going through a tough time. Will I live? Probably, but at this point I have some very valid doubts. I might die. I hurt all over, I'm sick all over, and, at times, I am REALLY FUCKING TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR THIS LONG. The reason I'm not afraid to say this is that I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE. This, though I'd like it to be, is not an uncommon feeling. Many alcoholics/addicts and people in mental health recovery have felt or are feeling this. My deal is that I'm one of the folks willing to talk about it.
Many of us who have grown up in 12-Step recovery programs have been taught that if you gain a certain simple attitude and follow these very simple instructions, you will gain "Sobriety" for the rest or your days of conscious existence. And it's true! Unless, of course, you have co-occurring conditions, or, the white-bread world of the founders of 12-Step programs doesn't apply to you, or you have something else going on besides pure alcoholism/addiction.
Listen (read) closely, because this might save your life or someone else's: There are as many ways to recover from substance use disorder and/or mental health disorders as there are people who have them. I can't, and would not want to, count up the number of needless deaths from people who have been taught and believed otherwise.
It's really possible that I'm trying to save my own life in writing this; perhaps I am, and maybe that's ok. If it's not, God, or the Universe, or Luke and his Force will let me know.
Recovery is individual. It's wonderful - very much so, if you drank for 20 years. stayed sober for 40 years, and died peacefully in your sleep. That isn't everybody's path, and, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.
Recovery looks different for everybody. Even for those in a 12-Step recovery program. It would be really, really cool if this weren't the case, but it just doesn't seem to be so. Seemingly, there are as many recovery programs as there are people needing them. That's a big shocker, aintso? Seems to be the case, though.
Here's why I'm writing this: I am really, really done with running with the idea that people in need of recovery need one program - I've seen that kill people. I really have.
I think it would be really helpful for people in the recovery to start looking at recovery as more than an "all or nothing" type of thing. I think we might find more people experiencing recovery as a result.
And isn't that the goal? Or shouldn't it be? I believe more now than ever in the support aspect of recovery. Getting to know a person, and finding out what they want their recovery to look like. Surprisingly enough, that's SAMSHA's idea as well.
Here's the bottom line: If I die tonight, (or this morning, by now), I die. Will I be considered a loser, because I did not have 35 years of so or recovery? Or will the things that I did while I was striving for recovery count? Let's face it, I'm going to take my consciousness with me, so whether I'm a complete loser or a complete success (or somewhere in between) are pretty much up to me. But shouldn't I (or we) offer others the same opportunity?
The very, very most important thing to do is to hang in there, because in so doing, you (and I) give the next person the opportunity to recover.
Namasté,
Ken
Thursday, October 18, 2018
Making A Difference
I've just returned from a two-week vacation in Japan. It's been a while since I've been on vacation, and it was quite the experience. There's a whole lot I could write about my vacation experience, but, I am compelled today to write about two men who are heroes of mine.
On the plane ride back from Japan, I had the opportunity to watch a documentary on Robin Williams. I cried so much, and even as I write this, I'm crying. Robin Williams touched the lives of so many in a positive way, yet he had his difficulties. I suppose that's an understatement. Nobody who had achieved a life of honor and achievement has not had their difficulties. Life is difficult - those who embrace the difficulty of life and live through it are the ones we who we look up to - the ones whom we think of when times are rough, the ones we think of with admiration. The ones who give us the whatever it takes to keep going sometimes.
Robin, though incredibly talented, and born to a well-off family, did not lead the picture-perfect life. He lived through 3 marriages and difficulties with substance use. Ultimately, it was a brain disease that took his life; his most cherished organ (or maybe 2nd cherished, if you listen to his comedy) was ultimately his demise. Isn't that the way it goes sometimes. Yet he made millions of us laugh and cry and feel. Here was a person who lived life to the fullest - the good, the great, the bad, the sometimes ugly - he was there for it. Not a perfect person, by any means, but one who hung in there, and entertained us all while doing so (I have a soft spot in my heart for entertainers).
The other is Wayne Dyer. Here was a man who grew up fatherless, yet did not let that stand in the way of his advancement. In many ways, the way he grew up propelled him toward success. Wayne, like Robin, I think, was a seeker. And Wayne also made his life quite public, through his writing and his speaking. He led his life unashamedly, knowing that life, his life, any life, is a process of growing and discovery. One can see his growth by reading the books he published. Like Robin, too, Wayne grappled with his own inner demons. There was a certain sense of ego that one could see in Dr. Dyer with which he must have struggled with often. People who are in the public eye seem to have evident egos, with which they either do well or not. I think Wayne handled his pretty well.
These gentlemen are my heroes because their lives were an open book. There wasn't a lot of pretense. Both of these men treated others who they didn't know well the same as they would treat their best friend. I think both of them had a certain humility - humility being the knowing of one's rightful place in the scheme of things. Both lived from the heart, and both shared their lives pretty openly. Both were men I could trust to tell me the truth, each in their own way.
Both men, through living their lives with purpose, helped to change the lives of others. I think that right there is the definition of a good person. They made a real difference in the lives of those around them.
I think we all need people to whom we can look up to. And it doesn't necessarily make a difference whether those we look up to are famous or not - I think it's just that we recognize somebody whose life made a difference in our own - somebody who makes us cry when we think of them, or somebody whom we're grateful that they were around for us.
I don't know that either of these men desired fame in their lives. I believe that both lived from their hearts, and that's what I recognize most in the people who help me to live well. I am blessed that I have heroes in my life, both famous and unknown, whose presence make me want to live better - to live a life that leaves a positive imprint. I aspire to that.
Namasté,
Ken
On the plane ride back from Japan, I had the opportunity to watch a documentary on Robin Williams. I cried so much, and even as I write this, I'm crying. Robin Williams touched the lives of so many in a positive way, yet he had his difficulties. I suppose that's an understatement. Nobody who had achieved a life of honor and achievement has not had their difficulties. Life is difficult - those who embrace the difficulty of life and live through it are the ones we who we look up to - the ones whom we think of when times are rough, the ones we think of with admiration. The ones who give us the whatever it takes to keep going sometimes.
Robin, though incredibly talented, and born to a well-off family, did not lead the picture-perfect life. He lived through 3 marriages and difficulties with substance use. Ultimately, it was a brain disease that took his life; his most cherished organ (or maybe 2nd cherished, if you listen to his comedy) was ultimately his demise. Isn't that the way it goes sometimes. Yet he made millions of us laugh and cry and feel. Here was a person who lived life to the fullest - the good, the great, the bad, the sometimes ugly - he was there for it. Not a perfect person, by any means, but one who hung in there, and entertained us all while doing so (I have a soft spot in my heart for entertainers).
The other is Wayne Dyer. Here was a man who grew up fatherless, yet did not let that stand in the way of his advancement. In many ways, the way he grew up propelled him toward success. Wayne, like Robin, I think, was a seeker. And Wayne also made his life quite public, through his writing and his speaking. He led his life unashamedly, knowing that life, his life, any life, is a process of growing and discovery. One can see his growth by reading the books he published. Like Robin, too, Wayne grappled with his own inner demons. There was a certain sense of ego that one could see in Dr. Dyer with which he must have struggled with often. People who are in the public eye seem to have evident egos, with which they either do well or not. I think Wayne handled his pretty well.
These gentlemen are my heroes because their lives were an open book. There wasn't a lot of pretense. Both of these men treated others who they didn't know well the same as they would treat their best friend. I think both of them had a certain humility - humility being the knowing of one's rightful place in the scheme of things. Both lived from the heart, and both shared their lives pretty openly. Both were men I could trust to tell me the truth, each in their own way.
Both men, through living their lives with purpose, helped to change the lives of others. I think that right there is the definition of a good person. They made a real difference in the lives of those around them.
I think we all need people to whom we can look up to. And it doesn't necessarily make a difference whether those we look up to are famous or not - I think it's just that we recognize somebody whose life made a difference in our own - somebody who makes us cry when we think of them, or somebody whom we're grateful that they were around for us.
I don't know that either of these men desired fame in their lives. I believe that both lived from their hearts, and that's what I recognize most in the people who help me to live well. I am blessed that I have heroes in my life, both famous and unknown, whose presence make me want to live better - to live a life that leaves a positive imprint. I aspire to that.
Namasté,
Ken
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