Listening to Pain - Part I

I have the great good fortune of being a tiny bit wiser than I used to be. I say this in all modesty, because much, if not all, of the success I enjoy today is not my fault. It's simply a matter of being in the right place at the right time, and the only thing I can really take credit for is keeping my eyes and ears open and being willing to learn.

One of the things I've learned is that pain is important in life. Pain has a purpose - it's purpose is to say quite loudly to us, "Hey, something's wrong!" It's like those strips on the sides of the freeway that make a lot of noise and shake our car when we're not paying attention and start driving off the road -  "Hey, wake up and straighten your wheel!"

We I don't know about you, but I seem to live in a society in which pain is to be avoided and gotten rid of as quickly as possible when it appears. I don't like pain, and most of my life energy has been spent either trying to alleviate pain or avoid pain. If you've been following this blog at all, you know that this tactic has not worked very well for me. To put it very succinctly, my practice of avoiding feeling pain has fueled my addiction and my mental illness. In all fairness to me, I must say that much of the time I didn't know any better. I thought I had found some pretty neat ways to get rid of the pain that appeared in my life. What was really happening, however, when I tried to 'get rid of' the pain in my life was that I was pushing it forward. I keep thinking of a snow plow pushing snow out of the way and creating a huge mountain of snow. That's what happened to me - I came to a point in my life where I couldn't push the mountain of pain I had been creating any more, and I had to deal with it. The tools and tactics I used to use for pain removal no longer worked. My plow was dead, and I had to start using new tools to deal with my pain.

The very first thing I learned about dealing with pain skillfully is I don't have to can't do it alone. You might have read me writing once or twice before that we live in a connected universe. None of us, me included, really live alone or live in a vacuum. We might suffer the illusion that we do, but we really don't. My air is your air; my sunlight is your sunlight; my pain is your pain, and, your pain is my pain. You may not feel my pain as much as I feel it, and I may not feel your pain like you feel it; however, it is shared. So, if I want to deal skillfully with my pain, somewhere along the line I will have to share with someone else that I am in pain. I need to expose it, to admit it. I need to let the light in on my pain. I have to admit that it is there. 

The second thing that I need to do in order to skillfully deal with pain is to begin to understand that pain is my friend. (It might as well be - it seems to have accompanied me my whole life!) Pain lets me know that something I'm doing or something I'm experiencing is not good for me and needs to change.

     I'm going to take a moment here to mention an 

     exception that I learned in yoga - the pain that I 

     feel when I stretch and grow is ok - the dull pain 

     I feel when I'm stretching and strengthening my 

     muscles is good - the pain I need to listen to in 

     exercising is any sharp pain - that's the pain that 

     says, "Don't do that!"

As I accept that pain is my friend, I stop attacking it or avoiding it. I begin to listen to it and learn from it. "What are you trying to tell me?" I can learn a lot from pain if I can sit with it and listen to it rather than trying, through various methods, to ignore it or get rid of it.

And then comes dealing with it. I don't deal with the pain! I try to find out what caused it, and then change or heal the cause. Sometimes pain is caused by a specific fear. Sometimes pain can be caused by a habit that no longer serves me. Sometimes pain is caused by something that I need to face within myself that I've been avoiding. And again, I don't have to do it alone. By now in my recovery I have people in my life whom I trust, and who are willing to support me in my recovery. And I support others. Again, this whole life thing is not just about me, it's about knowing my connectedness  with the whole. That means I have to give as well as receive. 

Thus endeth Part I. Part II will deal with a recent experience with my friend Pain.

Namaste,

Ken