The Challenge of Self-Care

In my last post, The Challenge of Medication, I discussed issues surrounding taking prescribed pharmaceutical medication. A few people sent me comments, letting me know how much medication has helped in their lives for their medical conditions, and the consensus is that the Universe has provided us with many options for treating what ails us. I'm not going to counter that, because it is true.

Again, the reason I'm linking this post, The Challenge of Self-Care, with The Challenge of Medication is twofold: taking prescribed medication is part of self-care, and, as I mentioned in the last post, medication is more effective for any health condition when combined with other healthy living habits (self-care).

Self-care is just what it sounds like - taking care of ourselves. It is taking care of ourselves physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually. It is making sure that we are as fit as possible in all those areas. Books can be and have been written on taking care of ourselves; in this post, I'm going to write a little about what it looks like and write a little about my own challenges with practicing self-care.

Physically, self-care is doing things to optimize our physical health. Basically, it includes diet, exercise, and sleep; however, it may also include changing our habits if we use tobacco, alcohol and/or other drugs, if we're overweight or underweight, if we have medical conditions such as heart disease or diabetes, if we get stressed out at work, or overwork, or if we get too little or too much sleep. Self-care is individual, and if a person wants to pay more attention to their self-care, honest self-appraisal is necessary.

Physical self-care also includes a person's living and working environments. Having a home that is neat and clean is a lot more enjoyable and healthy than living in clutter and/or filth. A person may feel they live in a neighborhood that is not conducive to good health - there may be crime, or it may be near a factory that gives off constant noise. Some people love living in the city, while others prefer a more bucolic setting. The same things go with the work environment - do I enjoy going into work, or do I dread going into work?

Mentally and emotionally self-care looks like adding things to our lives that enrich our minds and give us emotional balance while letting go of things and people that detract from our mental/emotional health. There is a wide range of things someone can do to improve their mental and emotional health. Someone may want to learn more, or learn something new, so they enroll in school. Someone may find they spend more time on the internet than they'd like, so they look for ways to decrease their amount of screen time. Another person may feel that they have some toxic relationships, and would like to let those go and possibly find more enriching and supportive relationships.

Spiritually, self-care is about having a sense of purpose and/or connection. Again, this is a very individual thing. Do I feel like my life has meaning, or am I just going through the motions, trying to get through each day the best that I can until I die? Do I feel connected, either to my friends and/or family, my community, the world, or the Universe? Do I have values that guide my actions, and do I know what my beliefs are? If someone were to ask me what was most important in my life, would I be able to tell them without hesitation? Some people use organized religion as a part of their spiritual self-care; others of us prefer to walk a more solitary path, and yet others do not recognize religion or spirituality at all. However, I hope it would be rare to find a person who has no connection to others, or has no guiding purpose. Spirituality is about those things, connections, values, beliefs, and purpose, that we can't see, touch, smell, etc. It's about the bonds we create in our lives and the things we do that contribute to our own peace and the happiness of those around us.

After reading the preceding four paragraphs, one might rightfully come to the conclusion that self-care is a bit more than turning off the TV at a reasonable time or cutting red meat out of our diets; for me, it's about examining how I'm living and thinking and deciding what I'd like to change, and what I can change, in each of those areas listed above. Self-care is also dynamic - as we grow and age, our needs change. The way we live at 20 years old probably doesn't fit too well when we're 50 years old!

As promised, here are my challenges surrounding self-care (and maybe some of your challenges, too!):

1.  I haven't, through the years, developed a firm sense of purpose for myself. It's firming up lately, but my life has been a cycle of depression, drinking, recovery, depression, drinking, recovery for so long that I never really got to the business of living.

2.  People pleasing - I've gotten a lot better regarding this, but most of my life has been about seeking the approval of others. This has given me the habit of you first, me last. That might seem very selfless and admirable, but it's not. Because I don't take care of myself very well, I'm not really giving you my best. If I can reverse that and say, "Me first, you next," then you're going to get a lot more good stuff from me. 

We live in a society where self-sacrifice is admirable. If we can put in 60 hours at work, that often looks better than if we find ways to become more efficient and do 60 hours worth of work in 40 hours (or less!). We constantly need more money and more time so we can buy bigger houses and newer cars, all in the name of 'providing for our families'. Perhaps what our families really need is a little more time and attention from us, not our paychecks.

3.  My own fear of success. Crappy though it is, I've actually gotten used to the cycle of failure that I've been living. I understand at an intellectual level that I'm not living up to my potential, that I could be putting a lot more into this lifetime if I were to ramp up my self-care habits, especially in the spiritual area; however, success is unfamiliar to me and scary. I'm pretty sure that I cannot consistently grow to my potential until I find a mentor who has what I want and can guide me. I can also use a lot more willingness on my part.

4.  My lack of self-esteem. This is getting better - self-esteem builds on self-esteem, but again, progress is slow, and seemingly fragile. I'd like to think that I take setbacks, like losing my jobs, in stride, but, pretty obviously, I don't. But lack of self-esteem generates an 'I don't care' attitude, to where I don't necessarily care if my health is shitty or I live in a pigsty, so long as I do #2 above and make sure that I appear to be living ok.

So that's a lot of stuff in one blog post, but I felt compelled to write about where I'm at with the self-care stuff. Right now I'm trying to behave as if my life matters and I know it. My hope is that soon it will be very genuine and from the heart. I'm trying.

Namasté,

Ken