Sunday, April 7, 2019

Suddenly Stigma

The subject of stigma is dealt with often by people in recovery from mental health conditions and addiction/alcoholism. One of the bars to recovery is stigma; stigma keeps people from asking for help, or even admitting and accepting that they have a condition that needs attention. People can become afraid of the 'mental illness' label or the addict label to the point that they try to shove the condition under the rug. Mental illness and addiction don't go away, however, simply by ignoring the conditions. Eventually symptoms of the conditions arise, quite against the will of the person living with the condition.

When I entered into recovery from all my conditions four years ago, I wasn't concerned with who knew about my conditions - they had consumed me, so there was no pretense that I was not affected by alcoholism and major depressive disorder. Then I began working in the fields of addiction and mental health, so it still didn't matter; in fact, recovery became my identity (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). There was a problem with this, however, that I didn't realize until recently - I didn't have empathy with others who struggled with stigma. I wasn't experiencing stigma enough to really be able to relate and help others who were experiencing stigma.

That all changed once I got a job in the GP (general population). Suddenly I found myself surrounded by people who may or may not be sympathetic to my situation. Suddenly I found myself covering up and actually lying about my life when someone I work with was asking me questions about me. Suddenly I found myself being affected by stigma - it was causing me to behave in a manner contrary to my principles, which are about openness, honesty and authenticity. Suddenly I became empathetic with others who struggle with the same thing, and suddenly I felt a lot of admiration for those who are able to come out of the closet, so to speak, and damn the consequences. 

I need to point out here that the stigma I'm experiencing so far is self-induced. I didn't walk into my new job and find people who don't understand mental illness and addiction - my stigma comes from my own fear and my own projections onto others about how they're going to think about me. So in a way, I can't empathize with those who have been discriminated against one way or another for having a mental health condition or an addiction; I can only empathize with those of us who walk around in fear about being discovered.

I've already gotten a dose of closed-mindedness from one person with whom I closely work regarding alcoholism - this person, through their voluntary sharing, has let me know they think alcoholism and addiction are a choice that can easily be managed by willpower whenever the person chooses to do so. This person has also shared with me much of their family history. Actually, they've volunteered a whole bunch of information that I think I could do without hearing. 

Contrary to what I do in this blog, I don't walk around freely  advertising my experience and thoughts regarding spirituality, mental health, and alcoholism. I would like to be open enough in real life to be a resource for those who may be affected by their own or someone else's mental health condition or addiction. I was fairly open in last GP job, and I was able to offer resources to my co-workers and create some bonding.

I've got a couple of choices. Since most folks at work don't advertise their conditions (almost everybody has something), I can choose to not talk about my mental health and substance use conditions and, when asked, say "I don't feel comfortable talking about this." The other choice would be, when asked, to be truthful about my experience, and let others feel about me the way they feel about me.

I'll choose the latter, for a couple of reasons: one, I can't go on lying about myself and expect to stay in recovery. Authenticity, though sometimes uncomfortable, is essential to my well-being. Two, stigma is battled by changing one mind at a time. My example of recovery coupled with my honesty can show someone that people with mental health conditions and/or substance use disorders do recover. As a bonus, I may be able to help someone else in a similar situation. 

Eradicating stigma must start, I believe, with those of us who have been affected by a mental health condition, either from living with it or having an affected loved one. Part of my purpose, I suppose, is to help eradicate stigma (and not add to it) - otherwise, my experience in the trenches is for naught.

I will definitely be writing more about this as I am now committed to 'coming out' if and when the opportunity arises. I'll let you know what happens!

Namasté,

Ken

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