Since I'm off work for the next 10 days (at least), I plan on using part of the time off to daily write in my blog. I am fortunate to be in a position at my job to learn wonderful lessons about how my mind works (and doesn't, sometimes) as well as strategies to flow through each day more effectively and with more peace and happiness. So I'm going to share some important things I've learned/am learning along the way at work.
Isolated Incidents
Through practicing the 2nd and 4th foundations of Wise Mindfulness, I have begun to become skillful in noticing situations in which my mind, my thinking, can cause me suffering. The 2nd foundation of Wise Mindfulness is paying attention to feeling tones, or "noticing the emotional tone - pleasure or displeasure - that comes with every sensation, even when the sensation is a thought [emphasis added]." (Recovery Dharma, p. 45) The 4th foundation of Wise Mindfulness is mindfulness of mental objects: "we begin to simply notice when a thought arises, being aware of it without judgment or evaluation [emphasis added], and allowing it to pass away without holding onto it and without creating a story out of it [emphasis added]." (RD p. 46) Having a consistent meditation practice gives me the insight and power to actually notice when single thoughts arise and be able to let them go. How well I do it depends upon my intention and my mood.
So, at work, a lot of stuff happens. It's bound to happen - we sell thousands of products to hundreds of customers every day. For months and months I thought there was a chance that I could get ahead of the game, at least in my own little arena. I spent a lot of time feeling overwhelmed or at least anxious and frustrated. And when something would happen, like a spill to clean up, or something ordered didn't show up, or yesterday's work still needs to be done today - when something happened, it often fed the sick-but-not-yet-dead belief that it happened because I'm a bad person, and this would color, in a negative way, my thoughts and feelings toward myself and toward my job.
I recently began treating, in my mindful mind, a lot of the stuff that would happen as isolated incidents. If there was a spill to clean up, I began focusing on thoughts about cleaning up the spill, and let go of the thoughts that were blaming, the thoughts about inconsiderate people, the thoughts about poor packaging design - all the stories I'd tell myself about why this event happened. The thoughts and feelings surrounding my stories in my head are negative and cause unhappiness. The thoughts and feelings surrounding simply doing what is mine to do (clean up a mess in my department) are neutral to positive thoughts and feelings. It's a really simple concept that took me years and years to get. I can use it anywhere - when I walk in the bathroom at home, and discover someone else used all the toilet paper and did not replace it, I can get irritated about irresponsible inconsiderate people with whom I'm living, which only serves to make me unhappy, or I can do what I need to do to take care of my own business, and leave feeling neutral or even happy. That's really letting s#&! go!
Now the fact of the matter is that these really aren't isolated incidents. Everything that happens has something behind it - the spill on the floor, the absent roll of toilet paper - but it's still just an incident. Very often, there is little to nothing I can do about the causes of any incident that occurs in my life. It's not necessarily random stuff happening, but it's not necessarily my stuff either. It's just stuff. What is important is my response to the stuff. And I am learning to apply what I know so that stuff that happens to me and around me doesn't give me cause to feel not good enough, less than, or deserving of shit. I am learning to remove the substance, the story-telling, the so-called evidence, that fuels beliefs that no longer serve me. I am learning to no longer feed these beliefs with a storyline that validates their existence.
I had really come to hate my job, which in turn fueled abdominal issues. Through doing this practice, I recognize that there are parts of my job that I like, and parts that I really don't like at all. There are parts of my job that I really have no desire to deal with anymore - I am beginning to believe I can use my gifts, talents, and time in another pursuit that will put me in a position to be a more effective human being. Which is a much better way of saying, "F^#$ this place, I'm outta here!" The truth is that in any endeavor, I'll find aspects that I like and aspects that I don't like. In my present job, I am valued, and I am of service, and I am good at a number of tasks that are mine to do; however, after practicing this exercise enough, I recognize that these isolated incidents are not something I want to experience as much of (or at all) in my work life, so I'm currently keeping my eye open for opportunities to utilize my gifts and experience in a more skillful and effective way.
Thank you for reading. The next lesson will be My Best Is Good Enough!
Namasté,
Ken
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