Many years ago, my first love (loosely defined) said to me that I couldn't love anyone else until I loved myself. I don't know that that is strictly true, but I got the gist of it. I've been self-destructive in various ways ever since I can remember, and self-destructive people don't love themselves. She recognized this, and while I don't necessarily believe that self-love is a mandatory requirement for loving others, I do believe that a healthier, stronger love emanates from people who love themselves.
I believe this as well: that if I love myself, I will find less inner resistance to taking the actions necessary for me to stay in recovery from alcoholism and depression. I liken it to the parent who would do anything, give up anything, even their own life, to see their sick child get well. (I have no children, so I don't know what that feels like). If I am loving myself, I will do all I can to ensure a healthy, happy life. Again, I haven't always done that - quite the opposite, really.
So, if I don't know how to love myself, how do I start? There are a couple of things I can do to start loving myself. The first, and I think I've done this, is begin to accept that I am a worthy person simply because I Am. I exist. If the Universe, my Creator, God, has brought me into existence and sustained me thus far, it must mean that I'm an integral part of the Universe, and that I have worth. What is helping me in this regard is the plethora of people I have in my life that like me, love me, support and encourage me. I'm not bragging here - I really don't think I'm anything special, but I've got people in my life who think I am, and I began to stop ignoring this evidence a couple of years ago. So I do my best to not push people out of my life, but rather to believe that what they see in me is truly there.
Second, I can begin to take the actions of a person who loves himself. When I got sober, I didn't know how to stay sober, but I began to take the actions of someone who does know how by following the examples I was given from others who live a sober life. But the key to self-love is inside of me, not outside. How do I access the inner voice, my higher self, to find out what to do? One of the people out there that I follow calls herself Teal Swan, and in one of her videos, Self Love -The Great Shortcut to Enlightenment - Teal Swan, she suggests that on a daily basis for 365 days when confronted with a choice or a decision to ask, "What would a person who loved themselves do?" This allows our intuition, our inner guidance, to direct us, rather than constantly relying upon the reactions of the people in our lives. I have just started doing this, but I have faith that, if I am willing to listen to my intuition, I will begin to behave in the manner of one who loves himself, and maybe even begin to love myself.
The deal is this - I've spent enough time and energy hating myself and trying to self-destruct. I still don't know all the causes for my self-hatred, but whatever they are no longer seems important. What is important to me today is that I begin to live my life the way my Creator intended. Self-hatred does nothing except hurt me and those around me. That's not what God wants - God really, really does not get off on Eternal Punishment. It does nothing for a better world. So my commitment is to use the multitude of tools I have to show up in this world the best I can as God's love in action, and it starts with loving what God created, and that includes me.
Thank you for reading this far and I pray that your days are filled with an ever increasing realization of who You Really Are.
Namasté,
Ken
No comments:
Post a Comment