Into the Light

I realized recently (with the help of others around me) that I really don't have a lot of faith. I also realized recently that I don't seem to feel stress directly - I'll have several things going on in my life, and I may feel dragged down, or even overwhelmed, but I don't attribute my feeling toward any particular event or situation - I just feel weighed down. And I realized this morning that the lack of faith and not recognizing stress are related.
What made me realize that I ignore stress was the feeling of being weighed down last week after a period of feeling relatively upbeat and energetic. I began to analyze what was going on in my life - I'm looking for better employment (panning for gold is ok, but not really my thing), I'm looking for my next place to live, and I have two medical procedures coming up in September. I realized that these situations are stressful, and that I wasn't really recognizing the situations as such. I was doing what I usually do with stuff I don't want to face - I stick it somewhere where I don't see it so I don't have to acknowledge it.
I must have an inner garbage can where I stick stuff I don't want to deal with. Maybe an inner dumpster. But my ignoring it does not make it go away. It's still there. Eventually my dumpster gets full enough that I begin to feel it in the form of decreased energy and a negative attitude. If I let it go long enough, the dumpster overflows, and I feel overwhelmed, and I begin to feel self-destructive, and sometimes take self-destructive actions.
Lack of faith is related to this habit, this process of stuffing. Faith is like a muscle. Faith is more than belief, it is belief married to action. I can do two things with the stuff going on in my life - I can toss it in the ignore bin, and hope it goes away on its own or maybe deal with it later, or I can bring it into the light, talk about it with others, and turn it over to my Higher Power. I haven't done that very much, so my Faith Muscle is atrophied.
I don't want to fill my dumpster anymore. I don't want to carry extra weight around anymore. So what I've begun to do is to share whatever would normally feel stressful with someone I trust, pray, take whatever action I can about the situation, and leave the results up to my Higher Power. 
This is a new thing for me. I've spent my whole life being a stuffer. I've also spent almost my whole life in and out of depression and in and out of early recovery. I'd like to move past that now. My intention is to get rid of the dumpster and face, with the help of others and my Higher Power, whatever is placed in front of me to face. My hope is that I will strengthen my faith muscle and begin to live life day to day instead of from one overwhelming crisis to the next overwhelming crisis.

Namasté,

Ken