I live with alcoholism and depression. I am currently in recovery from both, meaning that I am actively taking steps to keep both diseases in remission. I do a lot in order to maintain my recoveries; very fortunately, all of the things I do to treat my conditions are completely beneficial to me, and even to others. I know people who live with other conditions, and must make many sacrifices in order to continue living. The things I do, the actions I take, may seem to me, at times, like sacrifices, but, in reality, they are not. All of what I do enriches my life.
For a long time, I denied my depression. Well, to be honest, for a long time I denied my alcoholism as well. After I accepted that I have alcoholism, and began to live in the solution, things got better - for a minute. I thought that I could treat my alcoholism, and the depression would leave, or at least that I could control it. Over the past 10 weeks, I've come to accept that I cannot control depression any more than I can control alcoholism. So I surrendered.
Surrender, in the case of alcoholism and depression, does not mean giving up or giving in. It means that I stop trying to figure out a solution to my problems on my own. It means I admit that, as far as staying sober and staying sane goes, I haven't a clue as to what to do. And when I surrender, when I cease fighting these things, the door opens to the solution(s).
The method I've chosen (or perhaps it chose me) for staying sober and learning to live sober is a spiritual approach. The method I tried to use for depression, after I accepted that I needed to take continuous action, was spiritual and physical in nature. The physical actions I was taking weren't quite enough, and so I obtained a prescription for an anti-depressant, and I began to be able to crawl out of the hole I had dug for myself. There is more to do than merely take a pill, but what the pill does is alter my brain chemistry enough to allow me to access and use the other tools I have (of which this blog is actually one). It's the difference between merely surviving and the possibility of thriving. (I'm somewhere in-between right now).
The really good news is that if I am open, willing, and honest, and somewhat humble, I have the resources available to live a really nice, purposeful life. I have a lot of support, and I will write about that support in upcoming posts. It has taken me a relatively long time to accept that I'm not an island, and when I'm a self-made man, that man is a not a man I like very much. When I open myself up to help, and to mutual aid, I like myself, and I contribute to life. It's really a pretty simple formula, but not always easy to do. I often trip over myself; fortunately now, when I stumble, I have someone to help me stand again.
If you've read this far, thank you. I hope you received something from reading; I know the writing helps me. I don't know much about the road ahead, except that it contains both joy and sadness, gains and losses, sunshine, rain, and probably some snow, too. All of this is part of life, and my goal is to accept life on life's terms, so that I may live fully, as I believe my Creator intended all of us to live. What that actually looks like, we'll have to wait and see...
Namasté,
Ken
It’s good to know that you are being open about your condition to the world, so that people close to you can all be involved in helping you get out of it. Alcoholism is particularly tough, because it is often reinforced by the simplest of cultural practices and celebrations. But since people are aware of your situation now, some might take the effort to be more considerate, or at least not force you to drink during such occasions. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteGerard Holland @ SoberLife USA