Last week I was at the YMCA swimming laps. I had occasion to strike up a conversation with a woman who was there to swim. It turns out that she is an instructor in aquatic exercise, so she had some suggestions for me. (I thought I learned to swim nearly 50 years ago, but I guess not. Or perhaps I forgot how). The instructor said it looked like I was struggling as I swam, and that if I extended my arms more on the strokes and pulled more when my hands hit the water, I would get more out of my swimming. I could not argue with her suggestions, and I appreciated the advice.
I take incidents like this as lessons from my Higher Power, so I began to mull over what the instructor told me. This is what I extrapolated from this incident – I am a lazy person, therefore I struggle through life. Ok, actually I got a lot more out of it than that, and it is positive. But first and foremost, I recognize that my current default thinking regarding anything I want to have or achieve is to put forth the least amount of effort while expecting maximum results. I look back on my life, and I see how that attitude has worked out. I could fill a book with examples of how I have expected great and wonderful things from simply desiring them and putting forth minimal to no effort at all. (I blame this attitude on a TV show I loved watching when I was growing up called Bewitched – Elizabeth Montgomery manifested great and wonderful things in her life simply by desiring them and then twitching her lips or nose or whatever she twitched. This is nice in theory, but doesn’t really work well in practice, I’ve found). I’ve got a sheet that lists thinking errors around here somewhere, but I don’t know where it is right now. I’m pretty sure this kind of thinking has a name.
At any rate, how does this play out in my life today? There are areas of my life in which I am willing to put forth effort, and I don’t struggle, and there are areas in my life that could use some improvement, but I’m not yet willing to put forth the effort that would enable things to improve, so I still struggle with those areas. Here are a couple of examples:
One of my desires is to come home each day to a room that looks like a freshly made motel room – clean, the bed is made, the bathroom is clean and there are fresh towels, and there’s a mint on my pillow. I really put forth only minimal effort toward this desire – I don’t have a housekeeper, and I don’t always make my bed before I leave, and I don’t always put stuff back in its place, and I don't necessarily vacuum daily or clean the bathroom daily. I have an unmet desire because, at this point, I don’t have the willingness to put forth the effort that is required to manifest this desire. So I struggle because I live in a disorganized mess that I don’t like, and I use work-arounds to get by rather than putting forth consistent, effective effort. It really isn’t a matter of “I can’t” as much as it is a matter of “I won’t” (or, better put, “I will-not”).
An example of the results of using willingness and effort is my experience of recovery from alcoholism and depression. The more effort I put into activities that enhance my sobriety and mental/emotional health, the less I struggle with urges to use unhealthy substances and the less I struggle with feelings of worthlessness, desires to escape, and thoughts of death. It really, really is that simple. I won’t take the space in this post to enumerate what all of those healthy activities are – the point is that sobriety is much more than not drinking and not using drugs, and good mental and emotional health comes from much more than popping a pill daily.
The common thread in all of this for me is that every area in my life in which I struggle is an area in which I choose to go it alone, and not ask for help, support, or advice. There are a lot of people that I choose to involve in my recovery, and I really don’t struggle very much with it at all – when I do begin to struggle, I ask for assistance. I put forth effort toward recovery on a daily basis, and struggle very little. As far as my room goes, that’s pretty much all me, and I still struggle a lot. Hmmmm…
Namasté,
Ken
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