When the Going Gets Tough...

the tough get going! (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt)

One often wonders if all the coping mechanisms, recovery plans, crisis plans, and support people actually work when the shit hits the fan - well, they do. 

They don't work as seamlessly, quickly, and completely as alcohol and other drugs seemed to work in getting through (or blotting out) a crisis, but they do work. They make the pain, confusion, and fear bearable so I can move forward and through the crisis without causing harm to myself or others. I will survive, and I will thrive. 

Short post.

Namaste,

Ken

What's Cooking Today?

My recovery is made up of many small actions and attitudes. It's not just about abstaining from drugs and alcohol, or taking my prescribed medication, though both of those are important. Abstaining from alcohol and taking my medication satisfies my doctor and my therapist, and, if I had one, my probation officer - but doing that and nothing else leaves me irritable, restless, and discontent. 

What brought this topic on is that I cooked a meal today. I cooked it the week before as well. It's a keto diet recipe, and I've been working on going full keto for the past couple of months. I keep relapsing back into carbs. But that's not the point. What is remarkable about cooking two meals in the past couple of weeks is that it's been about 10 years since I've done any real cooking. I've been a lazy eater, choosing to eat foods that don't take much prep. Or eating utensils.

So a couple of weeks ago when I cooked, and again today, I really enjoyed the cooking. And the eating. There is something quite creative about taking a bunch of ingredients, putting them together in a certain way, and cooking them that brings some satisfaction to me (I'm not really up to joy yet - satisfaction is about as good as it gets). And then there's the satisfaction of eating what I've cooked - nourishing my body, my mind, and even my soul by consummating a cooking experience.

I found tearing myself away from web sudoku in order to prepare my meal to be a little bit challenging. My girlfriend's presence helped me to unglue myself from from the computer and get into the kitchen and engage in a 'live' activity. I should've taken a video and posted it to YouTube! But it is true that of late it's been difficult for me to put down the passive activities like surfing the web and playing computer games, and get up and do something that engages body, mind, and soul.

I've been avoiding using the 'l' word, because I'm not lazy, and calling myself lazy is pejorative, unhelpful, and incorrect. The periods of engaging in no meaningful activity are symptoms of depression. For me it's mild. For others, it can be as severe as avoiding personal hygiene tasks, eating, or even getting out of bed. I've not come across a medicine that will make me get and stay motivated, so I must do those things that I really don't want to do - otherwise, it's likely that I will get to the point of not being able to get out of bed.

Many years ago, I listened to a person in long-term recovery from alcoholism describe recovery as a recipe - that it's like making a cake. There are necessary ingredients and important instructions to follow lest the cake turn out crappy. In other words, to avoid having a less-than-desirable recovery, I must include certain attitudes and actions in my recovery.

Some of the ingredients that for me make a nice, full, enjoyable recovery (life) include, but aren't limited to:

• Abstaining from alcohol and other mood altering substances;
• Taking my medication as prescribed and consulting my psychiatrist (and others) before making any changes;
• Preparing and eating healthy, nutritious food that is satisfying and adds to my mental health and overall well-being;
• Contact with others in recovery, or others who want recovery, both in support group meetings and outside of meetings;
• Engaging in physical activity that I find challenging that strengthens my body and mind and makes me feel good (exercise). For me it is yoga, some weightlifting, and aerobic exercise like walking and bicycling. I don't run because the last time I did, the police caught me anyway;
• Engaging in creative hobbies or even vocations that utilize my talents and skills - like cooking, writing, and music;
• Nurturing my spiritual life through prayer, meditation, reading, counting my blessings, and helping others - and there are many ways to help others;
• Exercising my brain through reading and learning - some subjects of my interest are the latest neuroscience developments in mental health as well as what works best for nourishing my body and my brain;
• Having an job that engages as many of my skills and gifts as possible.

I think that's a good recipe for my recovery. It's good to make this list, because I see all of the healthy choices I have available to me, and I see some of the areas that could use a little more paying attention to. I still have the teenager's mind of, "There's nothin' to do," yet when I make this list I see I have a whole bunch to do.

Recovery is about alleviating the outer symptoms of my conditions, but it's also about developing and strengthening those characteristics within me that make this existence not only bearable, but enjoyable and fruitful.

Namasté,

Ken