Priceless

I received a raise at work. It was a surprise to me - I didn't expect it, and nobody told me it was coming. I found out by looking at my paycheck stub, and noticing that my rate of pay was higher starting January 1st. It's a nice way to start the New Year. So I don't know if this raise was based on performance, or if it was a New Year raise that was given across the board. Maybe I'll find out, maybe I won't.

One of my core beliefs that I am working to change because it has informed some of my less-than-skillful behavior is that "I am worthless and I can't take care of myself, and nobody else will, either." There's a lot of evidence for this belief, but it's self-fulfilling evidence. There's also been some evidence over the past few years that supports the opposite of this belief, and informs the belief that "I am valuable, and I am able to take care of myself when I'm aligned with the Universe (or God's will or however you want to put it).

I am valuable, and I have value - whether I'm working or not, or whether or not I have money. As humans, we have a tendency to 'rank' things - to say this is more valuable than that, or even this person is more valuable than that person. I may not say it out loud, but in my mind it's there. 

I feel that in my heart is a recognition that all of us, our lives, are valuable. The evidence for that is that in the 80's I worked with people with disabilities, and I valued them. In the 10's (this century) I again worked with people with disabilities, and I valued them as well. In customer service, which I've done off and on throughout my life, I've valued the people whom I served. Once I take a few seconds to talk with or get to know someone a little, I see the person inside, rather than their outward identity. At the end of my posts, I write 'Namasté', which is a word that is often used to say, "The Divine in me honors the Divine in you." Like every other spiritual principle, I don't practice this perfectly. Sometimes I meet people whose outward identity, persona, personality, is so strong that I cannot see past that to recognize our kinship in Spirit; but, for the most part, if I make the effort, I can connect with another person enough to see the Divine in them. 

I started off this post with mentioning a raise. My wage is currently a little bit above minimum wage. Fortunately, minimum wage in the state in which I live is currently a lot higher than the federal minimum wage. For the most part, I enjoy my job, and I do my best, no matter what I get paid, because I endeavor to live my life from the inside out. However, I know my wage does not reflect my true worth, even my true worth to the company; my current wage reflects, in part, my own beliefs about how worthy and valuable I am. Let me say that again - my current wage reflects, in part, my own beliefs about how worthy and valuable I am. It isn't about how others see me - it is about how I see myself. So I am working on recognizing, appreciating, and sharing my strengths, my abilities, and my purpose with others.

Nobody can pay me what I'm really worth. Nobody can pay you what you're really worth. Often, we use monetary value to judge another's worth. Often, it seems, it's tops on the list of ways in which we categorize and judge others. We look for signs of material wealth to try to know what value another holds. This is a very human thing to do. Human egos need to categorize and place a value on everything - this person is worth more than that person; this person is the richest person in the world.

So I'll say right here that how ever much money the richest person in the world possesses is chump change to God, because God owns everything, and has infinite abundance. So when I place a judgment on someone's worth by how much they have, or how rich they look, or by how poor they look, I am using my limited human perception, and am missing much. As spiritual beings having this human experience, we all have more value than we can fathom with our limited human mindset. 

I always struggled with money in the past. I usually never had enough, even though I've had jobs that paid fairly well and received money through other channels. The reason I never had enough was because I one of the biggest ways I judged myself was by how much money I had, and deep down I did not have a belief that I was worth anything. Money meant something different to me than it does now - money was an indicator of how good I was, or how much I deserved to just be. Yep, it was that sick. And I was putting the cart before the horse - I thought more money would give me more intrinsic worth. It's actually the other way around - the more I value myself and my life, the more likely I am to not have problems or issues surrounding money. 

For about the past four months, I have not been broke, even for a day. This is a lifetime record for me, I think. It's close, anyway. I have never prospered financially, even though I've had a few great opportunities in my life to at least break even. I know that this year we've had assistance and such due to the pandemic, but I can say quite confidently that if I didn't have a new attitude, those financial boosts wouldn't have helped me much. Money used to burn a hole in my pocket, so to speak - if I received a large amount, it usually dissipated quite quickly, and I was broke again.

I don't know how it happened - I don't know how a lot of stuff happened over the past year - but my attitude toward myself, toward money, and toward a lot of things began to turn. My self-worth and self-esteem skyrocketed (it's still not great, but it's a lot lot better than it ever was). Part of it was coming to Arizona. I came here sick and broke, and people took care of me. Nobody, absolutely nobody suggested that I go back whence I came, or at least go to another state. A huge amount of money, time, and love has been spent on helping me get better. I began to look at that, and say and think to myself, "This can't be happening if I have no value. I have to be worth something!" 

So I began to concentrate on all the ways in which I am valuable. Remember, whatever I focus on grows and grows - if I focus on my weaknesses, they grow; if I focus on my strengths, they grow. And let me tell you, over the past 15 months, I've discovered a lot of strengths. I began to discover that I am worthy, and I began to believe it and act like it.

I began to receive valuable things - food, clothing, shelter. I began to give back - earn my keep, so to speak. I began practicing gratitude, and I began to see all the blessings in my life - even when I didn't have a dime in my pocket. I began to appreciate things, and I began to appreciate how I am loved and supported by the Universe - love and support that is always there if I am open to it. I began to learn how to accept my many blessings, instead of ignoring them or pushing them away. And as I began to really accept and appreciate my blessings, the amount of money I possessed became less important, and, when I did receive money, I didn't blow it - I used it wisely. I treated it as a precious gift, like everything else I've been given. I know how much money I have, and I know how much I need on a monthly basis to sustain myself, but it isn't my number one priority. I trust today that if I'm doing the right thing and staying connected to my Source, I will be taken care of. 

I recently became homeful, and I am living with a housemate in a very nice place that is affordable, which is unusual for this city - the rents are inflated for some reason. Yesterday, I submitted our move-in inspection form to our rental agency. I mentioned on it that all three of our faucets have leaks. They weren't bad, but I wanted to mention it. Today their maintenance guy/handyman came in and replaced all 3 faucets! I never expected that. I didn't expect anything! So I'm still like "Wow"! I accept the new faucets; I value them, appreciate them, and I am grateful. And I didn't spend an extra cent. So things like this happen - unexpected gifts - and I see in them my Higher Power taking care of me. I see in our affordable rent, and the cushion or float that I have saved, my Creator taking care of me. 

So here's my point - or points:  

In essence, I am priceless. I started out talking about how I make now a little over minimum wage. I am not bothered by that - it is not an indicator of what I am truly worth. My store couldn't pay me what I'm worth. Nobody can. But I am grateful for what I do receive, and it becomes enough for me to live on, plus a little extra to save, plus a little extra to give. And I know that the more I discover and appreciate my true worth, the more I will move into positions to receive more, and the more I'll have to give - not only in money, but in friendship, time, love, and support.

Additionally, I have to keep the belief that you are priceless as well. And you and you and you. And even you! You are priceless. We all have great gifts given us that we have yet to uncover and utilize. I need to remember this in order to avoid thinking that I'm better than anyone else according to what I have. I used to think that I was lower or worse than everyone else - this is false humility. And there have been times that I thought I was better than everybody else. The Truth of the matter is that I am no better nor any worse than anyone else.  

The evidence of our worth is not how much we have, but how much we give. We cannot outgive our Creator, and the more we give of ourselves, the more we find we have to give. That's been true for me all along my journey - when I freely give, and freely receive, I receive back more than I give. My human brain doesn't comprehend that, but my heart does. And when I let go of my fear of not having or not being enough, and give without worry, I am well taken care of.

Namasté,

Ken