I Am Enough

There may already be a post about this, but this is one of those things that I can probably work on forever. I was introduced to this concept over 20 years ago, and have yet to fully swallow and digest. What it basically is is that by virtue of the fact that we are here, we are worthwhile. We are all children of One Loving Creator, and therefore we are all made from good stuff, connected to the Creator and connected to each other.

Lots of us, me included, learned something different. Lots of us learned that we had to earn the love of God, (and in turn, others), and that we have to work to be 'good enough'. Some of us got the idea that we'd probably never be good enough, no matter how hard we tried.

I really wish I could just scream "Bullshit!" and that would take care of it, but it doesn't.

What I'm doing in CBT is discovering beliefs that I acquired long ago that no longer serve my best interests (they might have at one time) or highest good, and that need replacing. This process is laborious, especially regarding the 'I'm not good enough' belief - it seems to crop up in a lot of ways and a lot of disguises.

The problem with erroneous beliefs is a phenomenon called Self Fulfilling Prophecy - if I tell myself, or somebody else tells me, something enough times, I will begin to believe it and act it out. Basically, it says that if I believe I'm a screw-up, I will either look for or create evidence to prove I'm a screw-up. If I think that I am not worthy, I will find and/or create evidence to prove that I am not worthy.

Why is this coming up now? I've encountered a situation in which this belief has shown itself to be operative and it is preventing me from accepting something good into my life. 

I very often feel as if I don't measure up - sometimes physically, but more often with who I am or how I show up, either as a man, an employee, or a friend. When I encounter this feeling, or thoughts, the treatment is to examine the evidence, decide whether or not the evidence backs up my belief, and then come up with a new belief to replace the old one. Over the past 3 years, I've encountered enough evidence to be able to question the belief that I'm not good enough. Lately, I've been noticing positive changes in my behavior toward myself that indicate the belief is changing. However, it's a slow process, and one that can't be given up on, or I'll slide back.

I do not want to instill the belief that 'I am good enough', because, to me, it implies that there is a 'not good enough' possible in me or anybody else. What I would like to know, in my head and my heart, is that I am enough, you are enough, we are enough. We may not always show it or know it, but we are all beloved children of our Creator, and we are all worthwhile. Additionally, none of us is more or less worthwhile than anyone else at any time.

This is a fine ideal, but, like the ideals expressed in our Declaration of Independence, sometimes challenging to live up to. 

I want to feel inside that I can rightfully accept all of the blessings and abundance that are mine to accept, and to deeply understand that 'measuring up' (or not) is a function of a misinformed ego.

I'll continue to let you know how it goes.

Namaste,

Ken