Status Stigma

Anything can happen to anybody at any time.

I have been guilty of what I'm calling 'Status Stigma'. Very generally, it's putting other human beings on a pedestal and being surprised or disappointed when something very human happens to them. Sometimes I'm surprised when a well-known individual gets in trouble with the law, or a deep character flaw is revealed, or an addiction surfaces, or s/he dies from an addiction or a mental illness.  We like heroes, or, at least, I do, people we can look up to, admire - and it can be disappointing to me when their humanness shows up.

I think perhaps the greater crime for me is when I do it to people I know personally.  I nearly missed the opportunity to be helpful to someone who has years of long-term recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. This person came to me for assistance with some mental health issues. In my mind, I dismissed their issues as 'not serious', so I did not pay as much attention as I could have. Then I discovered that this person's life is currently seriously affected by a mental health condition. There can be a false sense of security surrounding people who have managed to stay away from alcohol and/or drugs for a long time - sort of like, 'they've got it licked.' Well, yes and no. If that person continues to use the tools that maintain their recovery, and ends up dying from something else, they won't succumb to alcoholism or addiction, but that might be the only thing that's 'licked'.

I feel I should know this: recovery in one area of our life does not guarantee problems won't crop up in other areas. I know people who have become cross-addicted - after a period of abstinence from their 'drug of choice', they may become addicted to another substance that hadn't posed a problem before. Or they may become addicted to a certain behavior. I know recovering alcoholics who have discovered they also need recovery from a gambling addiction or a sex addiction or a food addiction. And then there are those who develop another mental illness after years of recovery from alcoholism or addiction. I've known people who have been in long-term recovery from alcoholism who died by suicide. This I would call Self Status Stigma (or false pride). False pride will cause me and anyone else afflicted by it to avoid seeking help when help is needed. It happens to folks working recovery programs who are embarrassed when things happen. It happens to social workers, addictions counselors, doctors, nurses, ministers, rabbis, imams, gurus, teachers, police officers, fire fighters, soldiers - anybody. Anybody who is looked up to, or anybody who thinks they 'should know better.' Illnesses and human frailties do not discriminate. 

So, what's the solution? How do I avoid stigmatizing myself and others?

Avoiding stigmatizing me is much easier, I think - I stay open and honest with the people who are close to me. I don't try to hide when difficulties arise for me. This (so far) keeps my difficulties to a minimum. I no longer have great big huge crises. Being honest and open with others helps me stay honest and open with me. It keeps me humble, and grateful. I'm far from perfect, yet on a daily basis I seem to be able to suit up and show up and be of useful service to others. I don't help others from a position of superiority - be it education, knowledge, or time in recovery. I help from a position of understanding and empathy. This attitude, I hope, will protect me from my ego getting to big to ask for help.

Avoiding stigmatizing others is more challenging. I still like to think there are people who have this life thing down pat. I still like to think that after a certain amount of time of doing things 'right', a certain immunity to 'bad stuff' develops. I do myself and others a disservice when I put anybody on a pedestal - we all come from the same Creator, and we are all connected. When I elevate someone, I create a sense of separation - they're 'better' than me - that does not, in Truth, exist, and this can cause me to be blind to their humanity. Right now, the solution to this sort of discrimination is for me to correct it when I catch it, and begin to understand that all of us have a human nature and a divine nature. 

Oddly enough, that is the point of this blog, if I recall - for me to begin to understand that I am a spiritual entity having a human experience, and it's all good.

So, I will continue to avoid denying you your humanity while recognizing your divinity. And in allowing you to be you, with all your attendant sufferings, perhaps I'll get a little bit better at allowing me to be me.

And I'll keep remembering, anything can happen to anybody at any time.

Namaste,

Ken