Sunday, June 21, 2020

I Am Valuable

Over the past month or so, I've been focusing daily on changing a few core beliefs that I hold that no longer serve me. Unfortunately, I'm unable to toss aside a core belief as one might toss away an outdated textbook. Fortunately, it is possible and it is challenging - it takes dedication, humility (the opposite of humility in this case would be, "I'm fine - I don't need to change), hope, and a willingness to look at life in a new way. 

The core belief I am endeavoring to change is that I believe I am  worthless, defective, and bad. The very first thing that I have done is acquire a mindset that my Creator is good, and anything and anyone my Creator has created is intrinsically good. Do you know why lawyers are buried 24 feet deep? It's because, deep down, they're good people. So that's my mindset - that at the very core of my being, I am valuable. I have within me all the attributes of my Creator; it's just that presently, a lot of those attributes are covered up by trauma, mental health issues, and unhealthy coping mechanisms that I've acquired over the years. So I don't have to acquire anything in order to become who I really am, my best self - I just have to let go of those things I've acquired that are unlike my best self.

I know that I am not alone in holding beliefs that I'm not good enough or defective in some way. Some religions teach us that we are born bad because of the things A&E did in the Garden of Eden. What I've learned that they did was to mistrust God's guidance, and that has created all sorts of woe ever since. And our consumer society tries to convince us that we are defective - we smell bad, our hair is either too kinky or too straight, and it's never the right color, our ass is too big or it's non-existent, we'll never have enough money, etc. I wrote a post a while back talking about this instilled fear over nothing, and I think we all have it to a greater or lesser extent. 

So the task is letting go of those fears, those thinking errors, and those habits which contribute to the belief that I want to let go of - in this case, the belief that I am defective and worthless. I do have value. I am valuable. The challenge is to begin to believe it despite what my mind or my mood tells me, despite my station in life, despite the things I've done or the places I've been.

I was at an open speaker meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous a couple of decades ago - might even be 3 decades - and I still remember how inspired I was by the recovering alcoholic speaker, Milt L., from Cleveland, OH, I think. His alcoholism had led him to shoot a police officer some years before. While he was in jail, his cellmate told him about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and how it could keep a person sober and lead him to a better life. Milt talked about how he had a spiritual awakening - that he knew his cellmate was telling him the truth, even though his cellmate was in jail with him. Milt said the Truth is like gold - it is valuable, whether it's in a garbage can or in Fort Knox. That rang true to me, and I've never forgotten it (though I put it on a shelf and haven't begun using that truth until recently). I am always valuable, no matter what, because I am - whether or not I'm choosing to reflect that value in my life is another story.

So what am I actively doing to release the old core belief of worthlessness and instill the new belief of value? First of all, let me mention humility again - having humility means that I know my place in the Universe, and that I am no better nor any worse than any other being. I owe what I am, my life, to my Creator. I am grateful for any accomplishments or any good that comes through me from Spirit, and my only part is willingness - saying 'Yes!' to Spirit. Now that little explanation is another one of those mindsets, or attitudes, to which I aspire. I'm not claiming that I practice it 100%, but I am willing to grow toward that mindset. Additionally, I don't have to define value - I simply have to begin to believe the words, "I am valuable", and take those actions that show I believe I have worth, and begin to abstain from actions and thinking that reinforce the belief I want to let go of. 

Ok, so here are some of the things I'm doing to instill a proper belief that I am valuable:
  • Taking my medication - I have a mood disorder from years and years of reinforcing that I'm a piece of shit, and presently I rely upon some prescribed chemicals to help me get my mood up to a level that I can begin to think and do good things for myself;
  • Practicing regular prayer and meditation - I know cognitively that I am the Child of a Loving Creator, but I don't feel it much yet; however, I practice affirmative prayer and meditation knowing that it does good no matter what, and I look forward to the day when I actually discover and feel the Light I know is within me;
  • Continuing with counselors - I've found professional input invaluable in leading me to better ways of thinking and being;
  • Taking care of my body - getting proper sleep, abstaining from mind altering drugs, eating properly, paying regular special attention to certain parts, like my feet, exercising, and getting sun (a lot, nowadays!), making sure I don't get too much;
  • Affirming my value by saying it out loud - I am valuable - and avoiding spending any amount of time in negative thinking about myself; 
  • Taking care of my immediate environment - keeping my living area clean, making it a pleasant place to come home to and be in;
  • Being around people who are supportive and uplifting;
  • Supporting others who are challenged - being of service;
  • Recognizing the value in others;
  • Avoiding getting too caught up in the world - I know what's going on, but it takes little space in my mind because I focus on what's in front of me and what's mine to do;
  • Making sure I do things of which I am afraid, like getting a job and speaking my truth (still working on this!);
  • Practicing using my gifts, like writing.
This list is general, and not necessarily complete. Sometimes people with mental health disorders move into doing these things gradually. For me, it's about creating habits that keep me in a state of realization that I and my life are valuable.

A word about affirmations: Affirmations are positive "I am" statements that express a truth about ourselves that we'd like to bring into realization. Affirmations can be powerful tools in recovery from addiction and mental illness as well as in spiritual, personal, and physical development; however, they must be partially believable by the speaker for them to begin to work. It's a bit like climbing a ladder - one doesn't claim the top rung when one is starting at the bottom.

Proclaiming and believing that I am valuable is a spiritual endeavor. If I did not know of a Higher Power, or understand that my sense of separation from others is an illusion, I wouldn't be able to believe that I am valuable because of the situation I'm in. But I know today that because of who I am, and because of who you are (children of a Loving Creator), we are valuable, and if I concentrate on my value, I will manifest valuable things and situations. 

Namasté,

Ken




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