A Look at the Evidence

One of the tools of cognitive behavioral therapy is examining the evidence. Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches the client (me) about cognitive distortions, or thinking errors. People who live with addiction and/or depression/anxiety very often have a host of cognitive distortions that keep us in our sickness - modes of thinking that are habitual, so that we don't even know we're screwing ourselves with our own thinking. Our own thinking seems natural, and therefore correct (1st cognitive distortion). One of the great things about CBT is that after accepting my thinking is screwed up, and learning about how it's screwed up and how to avoid letting my messed up thinking inform my choices and behavior, I can practice this therapy on on my own.

An incident occurred yesterday that allowed me to practice examining the evidence. I was back at waving the sign for the home improvement company that owns the house in which I live. If you've missed earlier posts, I don't have a regular job yet - I advertise beside a busy highway for rent credit, and I work side (cash) jobs otherwise. So I was back at waving at cars yesterday, and I was a bit concerned that someone might think I was protesting something, since that's what's been going on in our country the past week or two. Yes, I know it's a stretch, but another thing that helps my less-than-rational thinking is shining the light on my inner bs. I had even come up with a line - "The only thing I'm protesting is the condition of your raggedy old house!" Another thing that had been concerning me was that my presence might distract someone and cause an accident, or that the wind might blow the sign out of my had into someone's windshield and cause an accident or damage a car. That last part is somewhat justified, as it can get very windy when I do this, and I have to work a little at not letting the wind take the sign away from me. 

But yesterday, something happened - the traffic slows where I stand due to traffic lights, and a jeep rear-ended a pickup truck right in front of me. Fortunately, nobody was injured, but both vehicles sustained damage. So here comes that worrisome thought, "My presence here is distracting enough to cause accidents." The cognitive distortion here, or the prevailing belief, is that I cause bad stuff to happen by my very presence. I can prove it - it just happened! And I began looking at the evidence - I have been doing this job for weeks - many hours, and many thousands of cars - without mishap. I stood at my post and continued to wave to cars while the fire department and police department came to check things out and clean it up. Neither the driver of the jeep or any of the occupants of the pickup truck told me I was responsible for the accident. None of the fire department personnel indicated I might be responsible, and none of the police that showed up came and questioned me about anything - I was standing there in plain view, and they ignored me! Over the weeks that I have been doing this job, members of every conceivable law enforcement agency have observed me doing what I'm doing, and, again, nobody has stopped and said I might be enough of a distraction to cause an accident. Now, I am enough of a distraction that several people have stopped at the business to inquire, so it's not like I'm invisible out there - quite the opposite. I'm just another normal distraction, like any other road sign or pedestrian. So the verdict is that the evidence does not support my contention that my mere presence caused an accident.

This is another example of how therapy done right at the right time can be extremely helpful later on. I've mentioned before that I was exposed to CBT in the 90's, but it didn't help me because I didn't believe anything was wrong with my thinking at the time, and I wasn't very open to having my views changed. In the 90's, I was the type of person that would run to a person or a facility for 'help', only to reject the help that was given. I didn't really want help; I wanted someone to take responsibility for my life and make me feel better. Today it's different, and each time I take responsibility for my thinking and actions and work to repair them, I grow a little bit.  I'm very thankful!

Namasté,

Ken