A Look at the Evidence

One of the tools of cognitive behavioral therapy is examining the evidence. Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches the client (me) about cognitive distortions, or thinking errors. People who live with addiction and/or depression/anxiety very often have a host of cognitive distortions that keep us in our sickness - modes of thinking that are habitual, so that we don't even know we're screwing ourselves with our own thinking. Our own thinking seems natural, and therefore correct (1st cognitive distortion). One of the great things about CBT is that after accepting my thinking is screwed up, and learning about how it's screwed up and how to avoid letting my messed up thinking inform my choices and behavior, I can practice this therapy on on my own.

An incident occurred yesterday that allowed me to practice examining the evidence. I was back at waving the sign for the home improvement company that owns the house in which I live. If you've missed earlier posts, I don't have a regular job yet - I advertise beside a busy highway for rent credit, and I work side (cash) jobs otherwise. So I was back at waving at cars yesterday, and I was a bit concerned that someone might think I was protesting something, since that's what's been going on in our country the past week or two. Yes, I know it's a stretch, but another thing that helps my less-than-rational thinking is shining the light on my inner bs. I had even come up with a line - "The only thing I'm protesting is the condition of your raggedy old house!" Another thing that had been concerning me was that my presence might distract someone and cause an accident, or that the wind might blow the sign out of my had into someone's windshield and cause an accident or damage a car. That last part is somewhat justified, as it can get very windy when I do this, and I have to work a little at not letting the wind take the sign away from me. 

But yesterday, something happened - the traffic slows where I stand due to traffic lights, and a jeep rear-ended a pickup truck right in front of me. Fortunately, nobody was injured, but both vehicles sustained damage. So here comes that worrisome thought, "My presence here is distracting enough to cause accidents." The cognitive distortion here, or the prevailing belief, is that I cause bad stuff to happen by my very presence. I can prove it - it just happened! And I began looking at the evidence - I have been doing this job for weeks - many hours, and many thousands of cars - without mishap. I stood at my post and continued to wave to cars while the fire department and police department came to check things out and clean it up. Neither the driver of the jeep or any of the occupants of the pickup truck told me I was responsible for the accident. None of the fire department personnel indicated I might be responsible, and none of the police that showed up came and questioned me about anything - I was standing there in plain view, and they ignored me! Over the weeks that I have been doing this job, members of every conceivable law enforcement agency have observed me doing what I'm doing, and, again, nobody has stopped and said I might be enough of a distraction to cause an accident. Now, I am enough of a distraction that several people have stopped at the business to inquire, so it's not like I'm invisible out there - quite the opposite. I'm just another normal distraction, like any other road sign or pedestrian. So the verdict is that the evidence does not support my contention that my mere presence caused an accident.

This is another example of how therapy done right at the right time can be extremely helpful later on. I've mentioned before that I was exposed to CBT in the 90's, but it didn't help me because I didn't believe anything was wrong with my thinking at the time, and I wasn't very open to having my views changed. In the 90's, I was the type of person that would run to a person or a facility for 'help', only to reject the help that was given. I didn't really want help; I wanted someone to take responsibility for my life and make me feel better. Today it's different, and each time I take responsibility for my thinking and actions and work to repair them, I grow a little bit.  I'm very thankful!

Namasté,

Ken

The Joys of Therapy

I am resuming therapy next week to address my recent relapse and the issues that caused it. I'm looking forward to it; the work I was able to do the last time I was in therapy really was life-changing (for the better) for me. 

It occurred to me as I was thinking about it this afternoon that there is probably still a lot of stigma surrounding therapy for mental or emotional health. We, as a society, have no difficulty with going to physical, cardiac, or respiratory therapy; but often our collective heads go down in shame when we talk about going to therapy to improve our mental and emotional health. This is unnecessary, and probably harmful. Therapy can provide improvement in marriages, in parenting, in work life, in social life, and the ripple effect is that improved mental health usually results in improved physical health (thus lowering medical costs overall - learning ways to deal with stress through therapy is tons cheaper than open-heart surgery, and a lot safer too!). Therapy can also result in improved societal health - less drug abuse, spouse abuse, less crime in general - meaning that our police and emergency services are less taxed and better able to serve us. So, I'm not really seeing a downside here.

Stigma results from lack of knowledge, so I'm going to share the little bit that I know about therapy, mainly from my own latest experience. Again, people go to therapists for all sorts of reasons - certainly, therapy is warranted for past trauma that has not healed, or recent trauma, and of course individuals use therapy to manage chronic mental health conditions. Other reasons for going might be common life issues, such as couples' counseling, or parenting issues. There are also major change of life issues such as grief therapy or divorce therapy. Folks might go after retiring in order to find a new life purpose, and people go to learn how to deal emotionally with diseases such as cancer, or chronic diseases such as MS or fibromyalgia.  One doesn't need to be 'kooky' or 'weird' to seek the advice of a professional; one simply needs a desire to improve the quality of their life.

What happens in a therapist's office? This varies widely, depending upon the specialty of the therapist. Generally, 1:1 therapy lasts 50 minutes (a therapist's 'hour'). You and your therapist will probably set some goals that you determine, and then each session will be spent discussing issues that come up relating to your goals. A good therapist will allow the client to steer the boat, within certain parameters. A good therapist also spends more time asking questions and listening, rather than talking. A good therapist draws the answers out from their clients.  A therapist uses the therapy in which they are trained to guide their client toward their goals. In my opinion, if one's therapist is content to listen to a client ramble on for 50 minutes each week or however often, rehashing the same stuff over and over, that client would be better off talking to a bartender (unless you have an alcohol problem) - it'd be cheaper and you'd get the same results.

In Wisconsin, and probably all 50 states, everything said in the confines of the therapist's office is confidential, except if you have plans to harm yourself, someone else, or you are discussing child/elder abuse that you are perpetrating.

There are different levels of licensing for therapists and counselors. I'm not familiar enough with them all to list them here; however, a person can contact a counseling center and ask who would be best to help them with attaining their goals. There are many ways to find a counselor or therapist - through word of mouth, one's insurance company, one's county's Health & Human Services, or on the internet. The tough part can be finding one with whom one clicks. A person need not be afraid of 'shopping' - if a therapist is offended because you're not a good match, they're not a good therapist. This is your life, and your money - a therapist works for the client.

I'm looking forward to rejoining therapy - it's nice to be able to talk about things without embarrassment and know that they'll be left in that person's office, and I'm ready for moving life to a new level.

Namasté,

Ken