I was reminded this morning while texting a friend about something that is very important to my recovery (which includes my physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual well-being) and that is that I must keep my focus on the process, not the product. What I wrote to my friend (and essentially myself) was this: "I have to remind myself often that life for me is about process, not product. It's really nice when things turn out the way I want them to, but if I base my attitude about myself and life on my expectations, I'm setting myself up for disappointment."
During my lifetime, I've had two failed marriages, three unsuccessful stabs at higher education, a plethora of jobs that seemed to go nowhere, 22 vehicles, none of which I have today, and a host of other un-success stories. To say that things have not turned out the way I wanted is a huge understatement. Yet today, in this moment, I am happy, and I feel useful, and I feel optimistic about this day. Additionally, I have people in my life who love and support me, and who think I'm an ok guy and that my life is worthwhile. So how can a miserable failure be happy and feel useful? Am I nuts? Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with it. It's all about attitude, and my attitude today is 'what can I put into this day', rather than 'what am I going to get out of this day.'
When I base my life on what I think the results of my activities should be, I am setting myself up for disappointment. Many people, me included, believe (or used to believe) that success is about our bank account balances, the desirability of our spouse, the luxury of our homes and cars, the importance of our jobs or careers*, and the level of our education. And it isn't that that stuff doesn't matter; it does. It's just that what we have on the outside is tiny compared to what we are on the inside (Emerson). So, as I was going for all of those outer things, I was doing little to nothing to develop my insides.
*If you want to find out what the most important job is, see what happens when trash collectors go on strike.
Additionally, I need to know that it's ok if not everything I touch turns to gold. Gold isn't the only elemental metal out there, and if it were, our lives would actually be a lot poorer. Gold has its purpose, but so does platinum, zinc, copper, nickel, iron, titanium, and aluminum, just to mention a few. In other words, if I believe in a Higher Purpose underlying and guiding all things in the Universe, then I must believe that however things turn out is in alignment with that Higher Purpose. It's not always easy to believe that on a case by case basis, but when I look at where and how I've been, and where and how I am now, it's believable.
Not all of my moments are filled with this vision of being an accepting giver rather than a seeker and taker, but it's becoming more frequent. So what's my process today? Part of it is to expand my awareness that I am the child of a Loving Creator who has value and purpose, and part of it is to give away the love, compassion, understanding, acceptance, joy, enthusiasm, insight, and other great qualities that I find I've been given. So, in essence, my process today is to do my best to allow my Creator to live in me and through me in each and every situation in which I find myself, and to leave the results up to my Creator, trusting that I am always loved and always cared for. That's actually a big order, and I'm not going to do it perfectly today; however, if I can keep that idea in mind and heart and do my best with what I've got to follow it, then today will be a success. No matter what.
And I've heard that in order to ensure that my tomorrows are good, I should do the best with what I have today.
Namasté,
Ken During my lifetime, I've had two failed marriages, three unsuccessful stabs at higher education, a plethora of jobs that seemed to go nowhere, 22 vehicles, none of which I have today, and a host of other un-success stories. To say that things have not turned out the way I wanted is a huge understatement. Yet today, in this moment, I am happy, and I feel useful, and I feel optimistic about this day. Additionally, I have people in my life who love and support me, and who think I'm an ok guy and that my life is worthwhile. So how can a miserable failure be happy and feel useful? Am I nuts? Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with it. It's all about attitude, and my attitude today is 'what can I put into this day', rather than 'what am I going to get out of this day.'
When I base my life on what I think the results of my activities should be, I am setting myself up for disappointment. Many people, me included, believe (or used to believe) that success is about our bank account balances, the desirability of our spouse, the luxury of our homes and cars, the importance of our jobs or careers*, and the level of our education. And it isn't that that stuff doesn't matter; it does. It's just that what we have on the outside is tiny compared to what we are on the inside (Emerson). So, as I was going for all of those outer things, I was doing little to nothing to develop my insides.
*If you want to find out what the most important job is, see what happens when trash collectors go on strike.
Additionally, I need to know that it's ok if not everything I touch turns to gold. Gold isn't the only elemental metal out there, and if it were, our lives would actually be a lot poorer. Gold has its purpose, but so does platinum, zinc, copper, nickel, iron, titanium, and aluminum, just to mention a few. In other words, if I believe in a Higher Purpose underlying and guiding all things in the Universe, then I must believe that however things turn out is in alignment with that Higher Purpose. It's not always easy to believe that on a case by case basis, but when I look at where and how I've been, and where and how I am now, it's believable.
Not all of my moments are filled with this vision of being an accepting giver rather than a seeker and taker, but it's becoming more frequent. So what's my process today? Part of it is to expand my awareness that I am the child of a Loving Creator who has value and purpose, and part of it is to give away the love, compassion, understanding, acceptance, joy, enthusiasm, insight, and other great qualities that I find I've been given. So, in essence, my process today is to do my best to allow my Creator to live in me and through me in each and every situation in which I find myself, and to leave the results up to my Creator, trusting that I am always loved and always cared for. That's actually a big order, and I'm not going to do it perfectly today; however, if I can keep that idea in mind and heart and do my best with what I've got to follow it, then today will be a success. No matter what.
And I've heard that in order to ensure that my tomorrows are good, I should do the best with what I have today.
Namasté,
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