Becoming Better Organized - Part I

This is related to my last post. I recognize that if I want to succeed in my current vocational pursuits, I will have to become a little more focused, and a lot more organized. 

And I'm not sure if it's going to be 'more organized' or 'less spontaneous'. You see, as noted in an earlier post, one of the trademarks of those experiencing alcoholism and/or addiction is that we have our operating system reversed. So-called 'normal' people make most of their decisions based on intellect over emotion. Alcoholics and addicts get to the point in our lives where our emotions run the show. The way I feel is my top priority. That's not a skillful way to operate in life, and it takes daily practice to get back to the understanding that if I take the right actions, eventually my emotions will follow suit, and I'll get them under control. I got very used to controlling the way I feel by dabbling in chemicals or in certain behaviors (eating, shopping, etc.) that alter my mood. This makes my life unmanageable, and to turn that around I need to begin to take skillful actions no matter what my feelings are saying. So, that's really a lot of what I do each day - practice acknowledging what I'm feeling, and then practice doing the next right thing anyway.

There's also a part of me - a big part, admittedly - that fears organization. There's a part of me that prefers chaos over order. (Note: people who have grown up experiencing abuse have a tendency to become addicted to the physical 'excitement' that abuse creates, and when the abuse is gone, can go through a withdrawal). There is something exciting about sleeping until 1 hour before work starts and seeing if I can make it on time. There is something exciting about jamming my schedule so tight that if something unexpected happens, I'm going to be late or miss a commitment. There is something exciting about wondering if someone is going to be pissed at me because I'm running late or missing a commitment. And there is something exciting about going to the store and seeing if my card will be accepted because I really don't know how much is in my account. Yes, I like living on the edge!

And this is one of the reasons that recovery from addiction is so much more that removing the addictive substance from my life. The drug is only partially responsible for creating the un-manageability in my life - the rest of the un-manageability is created by deeply ingrained thought processes, and, if I don't work on transforming my thought processes into something that works for me, I will return to using the substance.

I do not want to say that I am disorganized - I'm not. Saying 'I am disorganized' is untrue, it's a cop-out, and it's making me my own victim. I am organized. If I were disorganized, I'd be starving, needing a shower, wearing stinky clothes (if I were wearing clothes at all), with no place to live, and no job to go to. My life is organized well enough to live at the level at which I'm living now. But I desire to be healthier, more useful, more purposeful, more prosperous. In order to move in the direction of my desires, I need to increase my level of organization.

Now, if I were to write a list of all the ways in which I could be better organized, I would be overwhelmed and just not do it. There's too much stuff! All areas of my life could stand some improvement! 

One of the areas of my life that seems to invite improvement is consistency. I know lots of good life practices. Tons. Practicing any of them consistently? Not so much. So perhaps I need to pick one or two things and start doing them consistently, and see what happens.

Here's where I'll admit something that is difficult for me to admit - I am not consistent with prayer and meditation. I pray daily, and I meditate daily, but I do it in different ways and at different times. Now, that's ok, and it's ok to pray and meditate whenever I get the chance. I don't need to stop doing that. But what's coming to me is that it would be helpful to have one set period of time each day to engage in reflection, prayer, and meditation. (This is not a new discovery folks).

So, what I am going to commit to, this one thing that I'm going to do to start down the road of becoming better organized, is to set aside a time each night that will be dedicated to quiet time with my Creator - prayer, meditation, and planning. Let's pick 10pm for starters (it's 10:14 right now, so I'm already late, but that's nothing new). The reason I'm picking night time is because my least productive time is when I wake up, and I happen to know, for myself, that how I go to bed heavily influences how I wake up. If I go to bed tired and pissed off, guess what? I wake up tired and pissed off. This might be why Jesus suggested not letting the sun go down on our anger - it makes for a crappy night's sleep, and when we wake up, we're still angry! Yesterday's problems today. Hmmph. Additionally, in the Hebrew tradition, the day actually starts at sunset, because, in the creation stories, the very first thing was darkness. And, if I start my day with prayer, meditation, planning, and 6-8 hours rest, it's bound to be a great day!

So there you have it. I'll start with that, and let you know how it goes.

I am grateful for the opportunity to think on paper, as it were - it's so much more helpful that swishing ideas around in my head.

Namaste,

Ken