Opinions, Facts, and Experience

I got called to task yesterday 3 different times by 3 different people, two of whom I know. When two or three unrelated people are telling me the same thing about me, I listen. 

I was violating some of my own policies and standards - I made comments on Facebook that (a) have to do with controversial issues, and (b) were based more on opinion and feeling  that actual fact. I avoid controversial issues, like religion and politics, because my purpose is to support others in learning to help themselves - so I try not to alienate anybody. There are basic principles which apply to recovery and spirituality that have nothing to do with politics or religion. Additionally, when I share something, it needs to be based not on a feeling or a wish, but on a provable fact and/or my own experience. 

Facebook is tricky ground for me. I'm on it to share myself with others, to share my employers' posts,  and to promote the MS 150, the bike ride to benefit MS. I receive a lot of good stuff from Facebook, too, but I don't need Facebook to get the information I need. There are other channels available. The challenge for me is that Facebook is fertile ground for unhealthy thinking and behavior. I am learning to live life from the inside out. For the vast majority of my life, I've lived it from the outside in. For most of my life, I've been a reactor - my actions were based on my perceptions of what was going on around me. This is actually the way the human brain is designed, and it's a safety/survival mechanism - it's an instinct. However, we are spiritual beings having this human experience, and capable of not only reacting to life, but also living from an intuitive sense. In other words, we create our own reality. If I can't help but to create my own reality, I think it's good to be conscious of what I'm doing. Facebook allows me to get back into letting others create my reality for me, which is what I'm used to doing. Creating my own reality is relatively new for me, so it's easy to slip back into old patterns. I have to be careful when I get on Facebook, because it can become my reality, and that's not healthy for my recovery. Perhaps a better way of saying it is that I used to let others do my thinking for me, because I didn't want to be responsible for my own thinking and actions, and Facebook is an excellent vehicle for that mode of living.

So, getting back to the topic at hand - Opinions, Facts, and Experience:

Opinions are simply personal preferences. I have opinions on which foods I like, which religions I prefer, the type of government I'd like to see, which girls are most attractive to me, what's fun to do and what's not fun to do. What I've learned about my opinions is that they're much like my penis - it's nice to have and be proud of, but I shouldn't expose it unless someone asks (and even then...), and I definitely should not force my opinion about anything on anyone. I laugh at the Facebook posts that ask for my opinion about whether someone should go to jail or things like that because...who cares? What does my opinion matter? It won't change anything. Don't misunderstand me - I absolutely love it when someone walks up to me face-to-face and asks me for my opinion on something. However, my opinion is really valueless to anybody else but me. It makes no difference what my opinion is, because it's only about my personal preference, and that can change quickly.

Facts are facts. This happened. That happened. It's 40 degrees Fahrenheit and rainy. That's a fact. How I feel about it, what I think about it, what I do about it - there's an infinite range of possibilities. But a fact can be backed up by evidence, and, very often, if not always, I can't change a fact, I can only change my response to it. One caution, though, is that facts aren't necessarily the absolute truth. Facts can change. The weather is going to change. The GNP of the US is going to change. Another factor is that sometimes a fact seems like one thing, but, upon closer examination, we find it's another thing. It used to be that the Sun revolved around the Earth - that was a fact given the knowledge at the time. Today, most of us agree that it's the Earth that revolves around the Sun, based on the evidence we now have. Another thing about facts is that they can be misleading. Did you know that 100% of the people that ate pickles in 1865 are dead now? True fact! But, neither the pickles nor the deaths are related (except for those very few who choked on a pickle or were shot and killed for eating someone else's pickle). So, facts have slightly more value than opinions, and may be useful as a guide.

Then we have experience. That's what I share with folks. My experience is, "This is what I did, and this is what happened." This is what I do, and it makes me sick, and this is what I do, and it makes me well. Now, experience is a really good thing, because we're all having this human experience, and a lot of things that are true for one person are not necessarily true for another. Experience is like an opinion in that I don't necessarily need to share it with someone who doesn't want to hear it. So, if you've read this far, and you're not interested in my opinion or my experience, I'd have to ask, "Why did you read this far?" Experience is like a fact in that my experience is a fact. Yes, I did this. Yes, I am sober today. Yes, I am, in a relative way, sane today. Here's the funny thing about experience - sometimes we assume a causal relationship where there is none. Yesterday I was walking down the street and a black cat crossed my path. Shortly thereafter, I bought a scratch-off ticket and won $50. Both of those experiences are facts. But can I say for certainty that they are related, that a black cat crossing my path caused me to win $50? Of course not! Everybody knows that a black cat crossing your path is bad luck!

But I like to write and talk about the experience of applying spiritual principles and psychological methods to my recovery from a hopeless state of mind and body, and what I think I've learned from my experiences. And because I do these things fairly consistently and I get consistent results, my experience has value (in my opinion).

So I think I might have mentioned that my primary purpose is to be of service to others by growing in recovery and sharing that recovery with those who want it. Seems fairly simple, right? But, other stuff interests me as well, and I have lots of thoughts and feelings on all sorts of topics. However, the Universe has shown me that my role is not to be a social commentator, although sometimes I'd like to be. The Universe has also shown me that I am not a political pundit, although sometimes I'd like to be. That's not my schtick; it's someone else's. Also, I have an inner grammar nazi, and Facebook is extremely fertile ground for grammar nazis; alas, that's not mine to do either.

My experience has been that I am much happier, much more stable, and much more effective when I stick to what is mine to do, and leave the other stuff to other folks. It's taken a long time for me to learn that I'm not everything to everybody, and that it's not only ok, it's as it should be. I don't always understand or like what I see in the world, and today I don't need to do so. I simply need to be ok within myself with what I'm doing.

Namaste,

Ken