A Great Discovery

If I haven't done so already, in this post I will expose myself as being a little slow on the uptake...

I always like finding stuff that works for me. It's fun. It's useful. Discovery is a big part of recovery.

I'm enrolled this fall at WCTC to begin the journey of earning an associate degree in Human Services. Even though I've engaged in tons of post-secondary education, I haven't yet experienced what I'm about to experience. I'll be in the 'Blended Options' program, meaning the coursework will be mainly online done with the same group of people over the next two years. We'll meet once a week in person. 

It sounds like this endeavor will require lots of dedication and discipline - Yikes! So, I have experienced a great deal of anxiety over the past couple of weeks - can I do this? Can I not? (that doesn't make sense - of course I can't if I don't want to). As you may have already surmised, a lot of anxiety isn't the best thing for my mental health or my sobriety. But I've been trudging forward anyway, despite feeling like I want to escape.

Class has already started. It doesn't officially start until next week, but we've been doing preliminary assignments, which only added to my anxiety. I made the Great Discovery today as I completed the final preliminary assignment.

The final assignment was to write a 350 word blurb (a little short for an essay) about what I would need to do to prepare myself for this adventure. So, I took some time to sit down and write it out. Here's the Great Discovery: When I got done writing down what I would need to do to prepare myself for success, I realized that I had written a plan of action that will work and I realized that I will succeed. And my anxiety left, or at least turned into excitement.

So here's why this is such a great discovery and why it exposes me as not the sharpest tool in my father's shed: When I write with purpose, what comes out is better than what I am. It's as though I have my own little prophet inside of me. I've known for almost my whole life that excellent written communication is a gift of mine - perhaps my greatest gift in this lifetime. However, I've hardly used this gift for anything really useful. I've been using it more and more - this blog, I believe, is a big part of my recovery. Although I don't always live up to what I write, I know that I have it in me, because I know that what I am writing is the Truth (for me, at least). It comes from deep within me. So I know it's there. I can't claim to be a useless piece of shit if I've got this goldmine inside of me - I can only claim that some days I don't put on my little miner's hat and go mine the stuff.

So the gift is that if I have something that I want to do in my life and I don't know how I'm ever going to accomplish it, sit down and write it down.

There ya have it - it's there - use it!

Namaste,

Ken