I started school last night. No, don't worry, I'm still taking my medication. I'm in the Human Services Associate Blended Options program at WCTC. We meet once a week, and much of the class is done online. So I found out last night that I am the only male in the class.
There are about 10 students in the class, and the way it's set up is that we go through the next two years together. Because we had had some online introductions before class started, I thought there was at least one other male in the class. As it turns out, there isn't. Once I realized I was the only male, and realized my discomfort surrounding that fact, I thought about what having another man in the class would do for me.
Plainly speaking, having another man in the class would validate my existence there. And I suppose I would validate his. If you are my age, you learned a lot about groups - girls hang with girls and do girly things, boys hang with boys and do manly things, and the list can go on and on. Jews are over here, Catholics over there, black folks live there and white folks live here. However, growing up, no matter where I was, I did not fit in. (Knowing what I know now, that's actually a good thing).
Not only am I the only male in the class, there is only one other person in my age group. The other students are mostly in their 20's and 30's. I think I have the most post-secondary education experience in the class, aside from the instructor. Apparently my vocabulary is more extensive, and I've had a lot more life experience. On the flip side, there are a lot of experiences I haven't had - I've never given birth, and, consequently, not had the pleasure of raising children. I've not been discriminated against for having ovaries or dark skin. I do know the fear of getting assaulted, but, at the same time, I don't worry too much in dark parking lots.
So what's my point, or my lesson? My lesson is I'm still learning to come to myself and know that as a human being on the planet Earth, I belong, no matter what. That's one of my basic operating beliefs that I put into practice - wherever I am, I'm meant to be there, and I have something to give.
Fortunately for me, I was not raised with a lot of gender bias. I don't feel as much as some men might that I have to live up to a certain image. I'm a lot more comfortable than some with just showing up as myself. But it's still kind of weird - if I let it, my mind will wonder what the other students think of me (actually none of my business). Also fortunately for me, I like and respect women.
Another thing that I can begin to experience is cultural humility. As a white male raised in a Christian household, I don't get a lot of that experience. For about two hours last night, I felt what it feels like to be the 'odd man out'. For two hours. Some people, probably a lot of people, experience this daily. I'm also fortunate in that I know my discomfort is all internal - for lots of people, their discomfort is real. They may be in a place where they aren't wanted, or are looked down upon. I didn't get that feeling at all. I did not feel any unwelcome vibes. But the experience makes me a little more sensitive to those people who might feel out of place because of their gender, color of their skin, first language, nationality, orientation, whatever.
My primary purpose is to be of maximum service to my fellow human beings in whatever way that plays out. A lot of my journey is releasing those things within me that might inhibit me being of maximum service, like the way I feel about myself or the way I feel about others. I can't get empathy and compassion from a textbook - I have to go out and experience it. So I am grateful for the minor discomfort I have to endure to experience the things I need to experience to become more of who I really Am - a beloved Child of the Universe who deserves to be wherever he is at at any given moment. I deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I'm obligated to allow those around me to feel safe as well.
Namaste,
Ken
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