Prison

I haven't written a lot about prison. I don't know why, other than I don't feel prison adversely affected me any more or less than any other experience I've had. I crossed out 'or less' because I still believe my years in primary and secondary education were worse than my years in prison. Of course, I spent 12.5 years in school before I became an 'adult', and I've spent only 5 years of my life incarcerated in jails and prisons.

I got in more fights in school than I did in prison.

For those of you who are curious, I have five felonies on my record, and I have done prison time for 3 of them. I have a bad check over $1000, 3 automobile thefts, and the theft of a large amount of money (theft, not robbery - I didn't take it by force).

I don't steal things anymore. I was a thief before I ever started using alcohol. The alcohol use made me a better and bolder thief. Looking at it today, the reason I no longer steal anything is because I truly believe that I already have, or at least can acquire, everything I need today. If I want something I don't have, I can either work for it, ask for it, or decide that it's just a want, not a need.

I also don't steal anymore because I've reached a level of self-respect that stealing doesn't jibe with. I learned during the time that I was self-employed that if I can get out of bed in the morning, get dressed, and get out in the world, I can make a living. (I would like to explore that more, because I have this nagging idea that I can probably legally make an even better living than I'm making now).

When I was a youngster, I thought I might like to be in the military; however, because I had lost my eye at age 11, I was ineligible for military service. I know today that I wouldn't have been any better off for being in the military, and, because of my experience with prison, I have no desire to sleep in a barracks with a bunch of other men. Just one of those things.

I learned a few valuable things in prison:
1. Nobody is a [put your favorite crime here] all of the time. The men with whom I shared the prison experience were all human beings with varied traits. If one were to meet most of them on the streets today, one would not know they were ex-convicts.
2. Most of the men in prison are addicts, alcoholics, or have a mental health condition that was existing before they got to prison.
3. Most of the men in prison, no matter their chronological age, have an emotional age of around adolescence. It seems like impulse control is a big issue.
4. I learned many positive people skills in prison. During my entire time of incarceration, I was in no fights, and I got punched once - and that was my fault. I learned to choose my battles, and I learned that most everybody is filled with fear - from the biggest thug to the smallest guy there. Prison is a fear driven place.
5. There are very few atheists in prison. 
6. Prison is easier, and sometimes safer, than real life life on the outside.
7. A responsibility-free life (prison) is not enriching.

And, the three most important things I learned in prison are:

I built these walls. I've spent time in a few prisons in Kansas. Two of the state prisons, Lansing and Hutchinson, were built back in the days when inmates were used to build prisons. One day I was standing in the yard at Hutchinson Correctional Facility and looking at its 30-foot stone walls, and I thought about the men who built them. And then it hit me - I built these walls. One of the most freeing ideas I can utilize is that if I feel trapped or imprisoned, it's because of my thinking and actions. And, if my thinking is powerful enough to imprison me, it must be powerful enough to free me. All I have to do is learn how.

My time in prison was just another work-around to try to cover up my inability to handle life. Very simply put, it was easier for me to commit a crime and let the state or county take care of me than it was for me to take care of myself. I simply got tired of living that way. I haven't found myself incarcerated since April, 2002.

Prison is a big waste of time and money and life. Most people come out of prison worse for the experience. Some don't. Many inmates spend time day after day after day doing nothing but watching TV or playing games. There is, relatively, very little rehabilitation or meaningful work. Prison breaks up families. Prison is one of the methods our society uses to deal with people and problems we don't want to deal with. Out of sight, out of mind. The only time we think about prisoners is when someone is on trial and about to go in, or when someone who has committed a heinous crime is about to get out. The rest of the time, there are thousands of human beings who are forgotten. That is a waste. No human being was created to be imprisoned. Instead of looking at criminals and saying, "What is wrong with those people," we might be better served as a whole by saying, "What happened to this person that s/he is leading this kind of life? What can be done to help them heal?" When we truly begin to believe that each and every life matters, and to understand that those who engage in hurtful behavior are more sick that wrong, we will begin to find answers. There truly is no need to waste human life.

I am grateful for my prison experience. That may sound odd, but I have appreciated life more AP (after prison) than BP (before prison). Most people know they don't want to be locked up. I know I don't want to be locked up and I know why. I know what it's like to come out the other side and not only survive, but thrive. I would not be the person I am today if I had not experienced incarceration. I think that's a good thing.

Anyway, onward and upward. If you've made it this far, thanks!

Namaste, 

Ken