I am one of several Stories of Hope presenters. We talk about our experience with mental illness and recovery with psychiatric patients, Crisis Intervention Training classes, and sometimes the general public. I like telling my story. First of all, it's my story - I can't screw it up. Second, I get such immense gratitude for what I have today when I go into places and share where I've been, where I'm at, and how I got here. But my partner today was someone that I'd yet to meet, and that is scary for me. It's one of those remnants I was talking about a couple of days ago - I know it's not real, that it has no basis in reality, but it's still there and it's still uncomfortable.
So I meet this guy and we begin presenting, and I am amazed - he's a great presenter, a very likable guy, and we have a lot in common. I'm glad I met him, and I think I have a new friend.
I believe that doing things that make me feel uncomfortable is essential to my recovery. If I did only the things that I felt like doing, or were easy for me, I'd eventually end up back in bed all day, and eventually end up drinking and probably dead, or very sick. However, I usually don't look for uncomfortable stuff to do. I don't sit down on a Sunday evening and write out all of the uncomfortable things I plan on encountering in the coming week. The uncomfortable things come to me (most of the time). It's the uncomfortable things that make me grow, make me stronger, give me confidence, help my self-esteem, and give me something about which to write.
And the uncomfortable things give me life. What if God or Life or the Universe wants us to have an adventurous life? For some people I know, leaving their house to go shopping is just such an adventure. So I encounter these uncomfortable situations, and I get benefits that I did not expect. Did I expect to meet someone and make a new friend today? No, it was not on my list. But it happened. 100% of my life today has come from things I didn't expect, which came from things that gave me discomfort.
I used to avoid and escape. That was my MO. I still do, to some extent, but not nearly as much as I used to. Today, on the whole, I know I'm better off when I do something I don't necessarily feel like doing, and I usually do it anyway. (The only problem with that, and it's only a problem when I think about it too much, is by consistently doing the things I don't necessarily want to do, the challenges get greater; however, so do the rewards!).
Here are some of the things a person in recovery can expect to be asked to do which won't be fun at first (or maybe ever):
- Go to support groups
- Share at support groups
- Take direction from a mentor
- Talk about past trauma
- Talk about fear
- Talk about embarrassing events
- Be of service
- Admit one's faults
- Find a Higher Power
- Learn to pray
- Learn to apologize
- Learn to face the past
- Learn to admit mistakes
- Learn to guide others along the path to recovery
- Learn to meditate
And that's the short list. But we don't come into recovery because life is going great, and we're looking for something to do. Most of us get here because it just doesn't work anymore. So we must try to do things we've never done before, and they're scary. But it's ok, because we're not alone - we have support. And then it's ok, because we begin to understand that facing the scary stuff is what keeps us in recovery.
And, if we keep going, we begin to understand a lot more of what these challenges are really about - we begin to grow out of our old selves into a new creation that's bigger and better than we could have ever imagined. And we begin to understand that that's who we really were all along, and facing the uncomfortable stuff in our life is just the process of letting go of what really isn't us and embracing who we really are and the life that we can lead.
Namaste,
Ken
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