$omething to Con$ider

If one were to describe my condition before recovery without using medical terminology, one could call it, "intense dissatisfaction and unhappiness with life and living." Through the years, I have tried so many things to make myself happy. I found things that give me pleasure (good feelings in the moment), but the pleasure wasn't lasting, and each time I tried, I needed more. One of my long-held beliefs of which I needed to let go before I could find any satisfaction with life is the belief that having money brings happiness, or one needs money in order to be happy. Happily, I discovered this is not true for me. 

I've watched movies, like 'Ocean's 11', that have to do with acquiring large amounts of cash. When I'd watch these movies and the scene would show a huge pile of cash, my stomach jumped - it was an actual physical craving, just like someone who is addicted to cocaine might get when seeing the scene with the huge mountain of cocaine in 'Scarface'. There have been times, lots of them, in my life when I've felt down and depressed, and receiving money instantly changed my mood, like a drink would. Money was one of my masters.

When I began the practice of living within my means, my attitude toward money changed, and I was able to release the belief that I needed money to enjoy life. Here is how that happened:

• My priorities were paying my rent and paying back money I owed to individuals. I wasn't making a lot of money, I rode my bike or the bus to work, and I was able to get food without buying it or stealing it.
• There were often things I wanted, or thought I needed, but I stuck to my priorities. This taught me a couple of important things:  When I postpone buying things, very often the urge to buy disappears, and I can get along very well on a lot less than I thought I could.
• By opening my mind to the possibility that life could be lived without a ton of money, I began to see all the ways in which the Universe supports me - no cash involved. This is very important: When my mindset is 'I can't have enough because I don't have enough money,' I don't have enough. When my mindset is 'Let's see how the Universe provides,' I begin to have enough.

The same thing happens in addiction: as we get further and further into our addiction, our field of vision narrows, and solutions to our problems begin to disappear, until the only solution to what's going on in our life is our substance. When we begin recovery, our field of vision begins to open up again, and we begin to find solutions to life's challenges in all sorts of things. Substitute money for addiction or substance, and it's the same thing.

So, financially, if I'm looking to money to solve my problems, I'm missing alternative solutions.

Money is great. It can do a whole lot of good. But when I look to money as THE answer, I'm in trouble. I think growing up in this society has taught me ideas that I needed to unlearn - things like, 'If I accumulate money, I'll be successful.' When I take an honest look around, I see this isn't so. I used to work for a company that kept promoting itself to its employees as a great place to work, based solely on the fact they made a lot of money. The truth is, it was a crappy place to work. That was the job that propelled me into self-employment. 

I have found it true that money doesn't buy prolonged happiness - like alcohol, I'll always need more. I'm releasing the programs (beliefs) that I've been given, and learning to look inside myself to find my purpose and my happiness. As a result, I've been able to donate a relative lot of money to organizations doing service work. I've been able to live on a portion of what I make, rather than having to always look for more. Money matters no longer make me fearful, because today I recognize money as one of the tools I use to live a rich life. It is no longer my master.

Namaste,

Ken