The Strengths of Recovery

I'm a grateful person, and the more grateful I am, the more I find for which to be grateful.

It's important for me to recognize the blessings I have today, and it's important to me to share them with others. I get to share at support groups, Stories of Hope, working one on one with others, and through this blog. Here are some of the things for which I am grateful:

• Challenges (formerly problems) - I wouldn't have any of the 'problems' I have today if I weren't in recovery. I'd be dead.
• A growing self-respect and self-esteem
• A career and 2 great jobs
• An increased appreciation for life
• Real peace of mind
• Faith
• Hope
• An increased sense of security and safety
• Great people in my life
• The ability to recognize my gifts and share them
• Courage
• An increasing awareness of who I am
• A feeling of belonging
• I'm comfortable in my own skin
• Courage to be me
• Honesty
• Decreased shame
• Zero guilt
• Self-confidence
• Purpose
• Good health
• Confidence and courage to face life without fear
• Resilience
• I'm useful
• I have an appreciation for others and an ability to know people at more than a superficial level

If I were asked to write down my gifts and strengths and the good things in my life 3 years ago, I would not have been able to come up with one thing. I wasn't even grateful to be alive. Even during the times when I was sober it was hard to come up with things that I truly felt good about.

To be very honest, recovery hasn't given me these things - I've had them all along. Alcoholism and depression covered them up. What recovery has given me is the ability to recognize my strengths and to develop them and use them to serve others while at the same time create a great life. This is why I don't walk around with a lot of shame (I'd love to say that I have zero shame, but I'm not there yet) - I am becoming the person I was born to be. There is great joy in that.

My spiritual beliefs support the idea that each and every one of us is a great person. The people with whom I identify best are others who have walked the path of addiction or mental illness, so those are the people who I direct my energies to the most. I support others in becoming the people they were meant to be. I assist others in discovering and developing their strengths. Some people come into recovery thinking their lives are over; I get to be there when they discover that their lives have just begun.

I'm really glad I didn't miss out on this.

Namasté,

Ken

Living an Inspired Life

When I began writing this blog (all three times), my sole intention was to journal for myself. That still is my sole intention; even if nobody else reads this, I get something out of writing it. When I started it around 4 years ago, one other person knew of its existence. Then a few people knew, and then a few more. Now I think 6 or 7 know about it (real human beings, that is - unfortunately, bots are aware of it, too. Bots are like the mosquitoes of cyberspace). Lately I've had the urge to express a few things in my blog for anybody that might be reading this, and today I responded to a FB post that confirmed I should express these things, and it really boils down to this: today, I am the person I am because of a number of things: heredity, environment, my desires, my disorders, my experiences, my Higher Power, the absolutely wonderful people in my life, the things I've learned, and the effort I've put forth. 

There is a whole huge market out there for self-help and inspiration. I am grateful that I have a lot of hope and inspiration to give, but, lemme tell you, I'm like Robin Hood - I get it from those who got it and give it to those who need it. There's a line from an old (ooh, that hurts) movie called Paper Moon, in which Ryan O'Neal plays a grifter who finds some responsibility when he is given custody of his illegitimate daughter (played by Tatum O'Neal). Tatum becomes Ryan's moral compass, and at one point in the movie, they are arguing about some scam in which he's involved. Ryan says to her, "I got scruples, you know. Do you know what scruples are?" and she replies, "I may not know what they are, but I know if you got 'em, they used to belong to someone else!" I've always remembered that, and today it's one of the things that allows me at least enough humility to stay sane and sober.

The reason I mention it is this: I used to be the person who would read something inspirational - like a recovery story - and feel good about reading it, and want what that person had. And then I'd go back to doing whatever I was doing, so that nothing changed. Here's another one from someone else: Robert Bradshaw, who, in the 70's and 80's studied and wrote about toxic shame and relationships, said, "Most people would rather read about happiness rather than experience it." And it's true! I've read and read and read about great people, both famous and unknown, and listened to their stories and been inspired, and it's only been recently that I've begun to put into practice probably a sliver of what I've read and heard. A good case in point: I had a Christian upbringing, but I didn't really begin to study the words attributed to Jesus until 1993. When one studies, for themselves, the words of Jesus, one finds very useful teachings for living sanely in an insane world. But even after all that study, I didn't really begin to try to live what I had learned until a few years ago. Al Jolson said, "It takes 20 years to make an overnight success." I did not begin to experience success in any area of my life until I began to consistently apply the things I've learned through study and experience. 

I have several people in my life who are heroes to me. Some are presently living, some aren't. Something that I have in common with all of my heroes - we all came into this world helpless, naked, and crying. Because my heroes are or were  driven, either by an inside desire or outside circumstances, they all did or are doing something to make the world a better place. I have experienced great and profound unhappiness in much of my life, but I've also experienced humongous amounts of good. Presently the scale is tipped to the good side, for which I am extremely grateful. I experience miracles regularly nowadays, but the only thing that I can take credit for is consistently saying "yes" over the past couple of years to the life that's been presented to me rather than trying to avoid, escape, or simply read about it. I recognize that I sometimes am a hope and inspiration to others. That hope and inspiration I have received from many channels. But I have to pick it up and use it in order for it to do any good at all. 

In this blog I share my experience. My opinions creep in, as well, but it's not about my opinions; it's about what happens when I use the tools I've 'borrowed' along the way. It takes a little bit of time to be inspired, either through reading or listening to the stories of others; it takes a lifetime of consistent practice to become an inspiration. But we all have it within us! We all came into this world helpless, naked, and crying.

Namaste,

Ken