Flow Like Water

A few weeks ago I was planning on giving something to a friend whom I was to meet at a recovery meeting. I was unable to go to the meeting, so I gave the item to another friend who was going there too, and he took it. The friend whom I was supposed to meet texted me and said he wouldn't be at the meeting either, so I called another friend whom I knew would probably be there and would be able to get the item to my friend. He said he'd be there and pick up the thing for me and give it to my friend in a few days. I texted my friend, the intended recipient of the item, and said it was taken care of, and I felt really good inside. I felt good that I was able to 'manage' that, and that it went off really well. I don't feel that way too often - in fact, I feel that way so infrequently that it is notable when I do feel that way - like things are going my way, or like my will is aligned with 'God's will'.

Then I began to think about it all, and really wondered if I felt good because I thought I had orchestrated it. My plan worked! I was able to get object X from point A to point B by using my own resources! I smelled a little ego.

I've been taught, and I have experienced, that not everything that seems 'bad' to me is really ultimately bad, and not everything that I think is 'good' is necessarily good. I've gotten lots of stuff I've prayed and wished for, and then turned around and prayed to be relieved of the stuff I've gotten. It wasn't what I wanted after all.

I've been taught, and I have experienced, that the Universe is conspiring for my (and everybody's) highest good. If I look back on my fifty-some-odd years (and some of them were pretty odd!) I can see that it is true - I'm reasonably happy with where I'm at today, and with what I've experienced and learned so far.

What if what happened that day that made me feel so good was going to happen anyway, and I just happened to be there to witness it? What if I viewed everything that happens in me, through me, and around me, with acceptance and gratitude? For instance, what would happen if I became grateful for the mental and emotional anguish that makes me seek out others for the solution? (Which happens to be sharing my recovery with others, which I judge as really cool). What if everything really was all right? What would that look like? How would that feel? It's such a radical, against most everything I've been taught idea, that I really can't wrap my head around it all at once. However, I can, bit-by-bit, experience-by-experience, begin to be open to the idea that it's all good. And I can begin to become more happy and at peace.

A friend of mine had suggested a couple of years ago that I might 'flow like water'. Water takes the path of least resistance. Water can move quickly, it can move slowly, it can move with great force or as a gentle caress. What it doesn't do is try to do what it can't, nor does it get pissed off when its way is blocked, turn around, go home and sulk. It simply moves another way. No regrets - maybe some tears, it's hard to tell with water - it just moves in the direction in which it moves. Yet, water is very important and very powerful. Humans and many (all?) life forms would not exist without it. Water can carve the Grand Canyon, generate power for millions of people, and sink unsinkable ships. What would it feel like to flow through this day like water, neither fighting or running away from whatever I encounter, but accepting what I encounter and flowing through it or around it, as the case may be?

Namaste

Ken