I mentioned that I know people who have managed to remain abstinent for decades. A few of those people I would not want to be with in the same room - they're toxic. Length of sobriety is not the same as quality of sobriety (or quality of life); however, up until now, because I've never been able to string more than a couple of years of abstinence together, I haven't had much to say about it. I do now, because I understand recovery is about learning to live from the inside out.
Length of sobriety is important to people just starting out, and important to all the other people in the alcoholic's/addict's life. Length of sobriety is important to one's parole officer, boss, domestic partner, family, and any non-alcoholic/addict with whom I share my sobriety. But because the time away from mood-altering drugs is only a very small factor in how I'm really doing, it's not important to me.
Here is a short list of some things I ask myself about my recovery, and the questions, rather than starting with "How long," begin with "How many."
- How many opportunities have I taken to share my story with someone else contemplating sobriety?
- How many times have I admitted I was wrong?
- How many times have I told the truth when what I really wanted to do was cover up my actions or my embarrassment?
- How many times have I attended support groups to share recovery with others?
- How many times have I said, "I don't know," when I didn't know?
- How many times have I picked up someone else's litter without complaint?
- How many times have I done the right thing, even though it was harder and more scary than doing what first came to mind?
- How many times have I wanted to give up, but instead called someone, or prayed, or simply persevered?
- How many times have I set aside my wants to be of service?
- How many times have I paid an obligation before buying something I wanted?
- How many times have I taken constructive criticism without becoming angry or resentful?
- How many jobs have I had since I got sober? How many girlfriends/boyfriends? Cars? Apartments or rooms?
- How many times have I dared to travel the road less traveled?
- How many times have I spoken up about something important, even though it might make me unpopular?
- How many times did I do what my mentors suggested, even though I didn't believe it would work?
- How many times did I seek out people rather than isolate?
- How many times have I given someone the benefit of the doubt when I thought they had wronged me?
- How many times have I prayed for people I really can't stand?
- How many times have I attempted to make an honest connection with another human being?
And the list can actually go on and on and on.
How long has it been since I had a drink of alcohol? 33 months and a couple of days, which is the longest stream of continuous sobriety I've experienced. That's great, wonderful, but the really miraculous part of that time is how many of those 'how many' questions I can answer positively.
I've already gotten through all of the hard days in my life, and I've survived! So the hardest day of my sobriety, and the only one that matters to me, is today. If I apply what I've learned along this journey, it'll be a great day. If I don't, and just stay home and do nothing, who knows?
Namasté,
Ken
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